All I want for Christmas Eve....

Is a 33 year old hemodialysis patient, in respiratory distress failure!!!

MUST:
*Be overdue for dialysis.
*Have missed dialysis for a stupid reason.
*Miss dialysis because "transportation" didn't show up today.
*Miss dialysis because no one could drive him the 1/2 mile to dialysis.
*Not go to the hospital 6 hours ago when he started huffin & puffin.
*Refuse to go the the hospital with dialysis capabilities.
*Demand to go to the hospital bandaid box across the street from dialysis.
*Demand to go to the hospital bandaid box 1/2 mile down the street.
*Have a blood pressure of 250/140 and a pulse of 120.
(No, seriously!)
*Get hypoxic when the ER decreases the 15LPM on the non-rebreather.
*Get hypoxic agitation and start coming off the gurney.
*Not have any realistic peripheral IV access.
*Have scars from all the cut-downs and previous central lines.
*GET NASAL INTUBATION BY REALLY HOT ATTENDING - WHILE CONSCIOUS!!!
*Finally get a femoral central line.
*GET AN IMMEDIATE RSI BECAUSE NASAL TUBE WASN'T KICKIN IT FOR THE RT.

**Delay our return to service for an hour...
(because this ER wants his ass transferred as soon as he hit the door, and the receiving ER wants to be picky about trivial shit regarding his EMS transfer... when in all reality he is gonna code before they find a way to get him out the door and to a more adequate ER for his needs.)

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