RECOVERING GRADY ADDICT

Mental

2009-06-07T13:05:00.002-04:00

Many of you know that I have recently relocated to a new city. One of the facility contracts we have is a hospital, on the local Army base. Yesterday I was dispatched out to transfer a patient to the other VA Hospital, which from my understanding, is primarily a inpatient psychiatric facility with a few primary care offices.

I arrived on the floor to get report from the nurse to find out that our patient was a 24 year old male, who was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. He returned from the Middle East with both his legs amputated, one just above the knee the other nearly to his hip. He "survived" an explosion, I assumed a buried bomb, landmine, or direct heavy fire. I didn't want to ask. The blast not only took his legs, but shattered his pelvis, which took months of surgeries and physical therapy to "recover" from.

This last November he was discharged under disability. Since then he has been unable to cope with all the fallout of not only his injuries, his new "quality" of life, but PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Think about it, when you survive an explosion, manage to drag your bleeding and disfigured body to cover, just to spend months and months enduring even more torture at the hands of VA "doctors" and "nurses"... you'd have PTSD too. And one hell of a case of it!!!

I gathered up all the forced smiles, professionalism, and pleasantness I could to go in and introduce myself and my partner, and help him onto the stretcher. Lucky for me, it was my partner's turn to ride in back. He's former military. I'm not. I would have no idea what to say. Do you thank him for his sacrifice? Is that like acid in a wound? Do you make small talk about the weather? Do you ask about his wife and kids? Just what do you say to not make him hurt, or make him uncomfortable?

I wanted to just cry FOR him. My sadness for him will ebb away in a while, his sadness will follow him for the rest of his life, barring further suicide attempts. And there will be more, I'm sure of it. At this point who are we to say his suicide attempts are unjustified. We - as cushy and comfortable Americans, sitting at home watching our TIVO'd entertainment, shuffling to our air conditioned jobs, going out with friends, taking vacations, and living a posh life in comparison to how our soldiers are living - stole this man's life... and for what?

I don't even want to get into the political debate on the validity of why this war has drug on and on. All I know is that is has stolen the lives of far too many soldiers. Death or trauma (physical and mental) is too high a price! And for his sacrifice... I FEEL GUILTY. And I don't even support this war. But I DO support these soldiers for the "job" they do. It's even more than a job, really.

Last winter, when I was continuing to establish my Reiki practice, I received a call from an Army Sgt who was searching for alternative healing practices. He didn't specifically mention PTSD, but I could hear the desperation in his voice. Whatever he was utilizing just wasn't working for him. Although I was unable to schedule him around my EMS schedule, I was able to refer him to a colleague. But right then and there I decided that I have to give back. I decided that I would offer my Reiki services to returning military personnel.

I left this soldier my card, neatly tucked into his belongings.
I hope I hear from him.

And on a side note... This VA facility is about the size of Floyd Hospital (for my friends back home) or Atlanta Medical Center (for my Grady Peeps). So that should give you some perspective on how many inpatient (significant case) mental health patients are being cared for here in the surrounding Augusta area. About 95% of those are returning from the Middle East... (sigh)

Thanks y'all - for letting me vent......

Hello out there...

2009-05-07T17:12:00.003-04:00

Most of you all have e-mailed me asking about my hiatus from blogging. I've had so much going on lately that I have just simply not been able to sit down in front of the computer and compose anything. Packing and moving twice, job searches, apprenticeship, and chauffeuring friends keeps one busy. I wake up at 8 and don't go to bed until midnight or later. Nowhere in there do I have time to blog right now. I promise I will be back soon. And with an all new blog about the adventures of the new job.

Because I Laughed...

2009-04-26T16:59:00.003-04:00

I was happy to see that they finally enabled the embedding codes for this video. So happy happy happy I can share it. All my Atlanta friends and colleagues will laugh their asses off. It's a great spoof of Atlanta history and landmarks. Check it out.

Life goes on... FINALLY!

2009-04-14T14:08:00.002-04:00

I am delighted to report that I have been extended a job offer. This includes a significant relocation bonus, competitive pay, and decent benefits. I even have a second part time job in the works. It's a posh one too! Fantastic hourly pay with travel and lodging reimbursement. By my estimates, I will have fully recovered financially from the fall out of this last year within just a couple of months.

The downside is that I will be moving to a city where I know absolutely no one. Considering the last year, this may actually be a good thing. But the most wonderful thing is that I accomplished all of this 100% alone. No help from "friends", or ex's. So I start new with a feeling of accomplishment, and no obligations to repay any debts.

I will be starting a new blog, yielding the dish on my new journey and of course including all the anecdotes I anticipate to collect providing EMS in a new city. If you guys want the link, just e-mail me your request through the link on my profile.

ADOPT A SOLDIER!!!

2009-02-13T09:40:00.002-05:00

From Dragon's blog:

Many deployed service personnel are without letters from home. This is a pen-pal organization that promotes letter writing through the adoption of a US soldier.

I JOINED!

I am wiggling in my seat to start up a pen-pal again. And this time around, my efforts will have depth and meaning! The last pen-pal I had was in highschool, through my German classes. It didn't last long, but neither did many other short lived phases I went through.

Here's the link to the website:
ADOPT A US SOLDIER (dot) ORG

Paying It Forward... (or) Repaying a Priceless Debt...

2009-02-03T02:24:00.001-05:00

I worked the streets as a Paramedic in the inner-city for almost 8 years. I have been shot at, cut, beaten, cursed at daily... and for that I gained an appreciation of what our service men and women face overseas, fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. My own experience has only been a tiny fraction in comparison to the terrors and violence these brave souls face -- DAILY.

Most regular every day folks don't realize how truly traumatic this war, and past wars, have been on our military personnel. Many come home with pent up emotions, anger, stress, hidden fear, panic attacks, nightmares, chronic and acute depression, suicidal ideations... even worse... violent outbursts and blackouts. This is all from a very real response called POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. In some it is very subtle. In others it can be very obvious. Either way, it can be crippling to their daily lives, and damning to marriages and families.

PTSD had not even really been recognized, much less be diagnosed as a very real issue relating to mental health, until after Vietnam. Before then, many families whispered quietly about their older veterans who would panic or freak out when a car backfired or fireworks went off at a holiday celebration. They once called this response "shell shock", and sometimes these older veterans would have very real flashbacks that instantly put them back into a combat scenario, and they would go off on tangents about enemies close by, or run and dive for cover.

Even the everyday person can suffer PTSD from such common causes as near death experiences, surviving rape or incest, surviving a violent attack, surviving domestic or child abuse, etc.

Today's service men and women are given debriefings aimed at reducing the likely hood of this response. I am on the Georgia CISD team that does the same for cops, firemen, and EMS providers. However, many military personnel are in denial about their needs in this field. They think that because they are "Army Strong" or "Proud Marines" that they don't need counseling, or that wanting or needing counseling is a sign of weakness or inferiority. Or even when they recognize the warning signs, they won't reach out... because debriefings and counseling will significantly delay them from going home to their loved ones when their tour is done. I can understand this. The same stigma exists in public safety.

For returning military personnel I will extend my services as an secondary means of stress management. I am in no way advocating the refusal of professional psychiatric services offered by the military.

All returning military personnel (with proper ID and documentation) will receive their first reiki appointment, including a one-on-one consultation and review of medical history - FREE!!! Subsequent sessions will be HALF-OFF.

I am also extending this same benefit to public safety personnel to reduce job stress or manage diagnosed PTSD... AND to the everyday person who has been diagnosed with PTSD.

THIS IS MY OWN WAY OF SAYING "THANK YOU" FOR PUTTING YOU ASS ON THE LINE, EVERY DAY... FOR MY FREEDOM, MY RIGHTS AS AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AND FOR KEEPING AMERICA A SAFER PLACE TO LIVE.

I was reminded...

2009-01-25T11:46:00.004-05:00

Out of sheer boredom for the slow nights... it can be really fun to fuck with dispatch. Most of them don't even realize it either. That's even funnier.

Ambulance Driver had such an exchange last night apparently:
Ambulance Driver: Radio Traffic From Last Night

Dispatcher: "Borg Unit Four, you have an assault/rape at Masquerade, 1384 Waterfront. 23-year-old male at the rear entrance."

Temporary Partner: "What's Masquerade?"

Ambulance Driver: "Local gay bar. They have an awesome drag show on Wednesday nights."

Temporary Partner [on radio]: "Dispatch, where did you say the patient was again?"

Dispatcher: "Unit Four, your injury is going to be at the rear entrance."

TP: "Ummmm, okay."

Back in the old days, when Fulton County Communications handled Grady EMS's dispatching, one of our primary posts was in Buckhead. On Friday and Saturday nights we would move from our usual post at AFD Sta 21 over to the middle of the old bar district.

Much better eye candy!!!

One bar even had a huge clear glass picture window with scantily clad "window girls" who would take turns sitting precariously in a sex-swing and swinging all night, much to the delight of passers by, the foot-patrol cops, and us pervy EMS folk.

Every weekend there were the typical bar brawls. APD would respond, and request EMS to patch up the arrested party's boo-boos before hauling them to jail. Our favorite was Club Uranus!! Our self-claimed Friday and Saturday night post was in eye-shot of Uranus, and the "window girls". It made working the night shift every weekend so worth it. But nothing beat asking Fulton County Dispatch repeatedly for the name of the bar:

Fulton Co: 7916 prepare to copy. You're responding to a 23 yo male, assaulted in Uranus, APD on scene.

Grady 196: Sorry radio, can you re advise your traffic, we have a lot of crowd noise here at post...

Fulton Co: 196, you are responding to an assault in Uranus.

Grady 196: Are you advising there's an assault in Uranus?

Fulton Co: 10-4, male assaulted in Uranus. APD is on scene. Your clear to enter.

Grady 196: Clear, APD has ok'd entry to Uranus. Show us at scene... In Uranus.

That exchange could have gone on all night and never lost a single ounce of funny!!!

Great Quote

2009-01-19T23:10:00.002-05:00

Be who you are.
Say how you feel.
Those who mind don't matter.
Those who matter won't mind.

I stole this from Dragon's blog today.
Damn good piece of plagerism if I do say so myself.

The Airway Continuum - Kelly Grayson

2009-01-19T22:50:00.004-05:00

Looks like the embedded player isn't working.
Sorry! Yell at the folks over at EMS1.com!

Try this link:
EMS Blogger Kelly Grayson discusses The Airway Continuum at EMStock 2008.

The Airway Continuum is a conceptual tool that provides EMS professionals a template for providing the appropriate level of airway management for a given patient. In this brief video clip, Kelly discusses with EMS1.com Director, Kris Kaull, the current paradigms in EMS airway management, and how current research is driving a shift in the was EMS providers view airway management.

ORIGINAL POST LINK:
Ambulance Driver: For All You EMS Types...

さようなら, arrivederci, adiós... y'all!!!

2009-01-18T12:33:00.006-05:00

(because a foreign catch phrase makes me feel intellectually superior, damn it!)

Recovering Grady Addict will remain a totally EMS related blog, which was it's original intended purpose. The new blog will hold all the pearls relating to the more personal side of life and the folks I choose to include in it.

I have redirected my personal blogging to a new site, which those of you who know about, know about. Those of you who don't... it's for a good reason.

I have just posted an archive of personal blogs (removed from here), a reference for those of you who have expressed interest in following me on my new blogging journey.

There are those who have given drama a new definition, and for them this was fun for a while. But for me, it's just time to move on. Some of us are simply more upfront about it than others who would rather keep up appearances, play both sides of the chase, and deny to each side the truth about what they do with the other.

As for the professed misery of others and their choices in life...
It is true that you can certainly pick your friends and acquaintances. But, you still have to choose. We can only hide behind indecision for so long in life. There is never a choice between our friends and our family, only how we choose to interact and balance between the two.

Thanks, all! Hope you enjoy the new blog!
E-mail me for the new link.

Repost: Toxic Partners

2009-01-13T20:45:00.004-05:00

a post from Ambulance Driver: "Toxic Partners"

"...We can talk about what you should expect from me."

"And what is that?"

"I'm a pretty easy guy to work with," I continued. "I only have a couple of hard and fast rules, and I consider them inviolable. Rule #1 is, what happens on the truck stays on the truck."

"Good," she agreed, "I have the same rule."

"This isn't some Code of Silence I'm talking about, BP," I explained. "I'm talking about personal stuff. You're going to be spending more time with me than you do with your kids and your boyfriend. Anything going on in your personal life that I happen to overhear, I'm not going to repeat. I expect the same from you. What happens with company business and patient care is another story, which brings me to Rule #2..."

"Which is?"

"Partners back each other up. I'm not starry-eyed enough to believe that you follow every company policy to the letter. Nobody does. And I'm not going to run to the supervisor bearing tales every time you violate a company policy. I am telling you that if you do something that I think compromises patient care or our safety, or negatively reflects on me or The Borg in the public eye, you're going to hear about it. But you're going to hear about it from me first. If I have a problem with you, I'm going to take it up with you first. If you don't fix it, then I'll get other people involved. That's all I ask of you in return."

"That's fair enough," she nodded. "I feel the same way."

"It would help if you adopted the same approach with everybody," I suggested. "I fucking hate company drama and politics, and being drawn into write-up wars. If you have a problem with another crew, take it up with them first, and politely. If they don't fix it, then I'll back you to the hilt when you take it to the supervisor. Likewise, if somebody comes to me bearing tales about you, or if I catch them talking behind your back, I'm going to back you up. I'm your partner. That's what partners do."

"I feel exactly the same way,"" she assured me, "despite what you may have heard otherwise."

"I don't care what I've heard otherwise," I answered. "I'm going to judge you by your actions, not what someone else says about you."

"Fair enough."

It's rather true in EMS that breaking this pact can cause a work partner divorce faster than anything. I've seen it happen far too often.

Today I had a rather similar discussion with my new "day husband". Almost verbatim. So far it has worked. What minuscule issue we had seems to have been resolved discretely, without drama in the presence of a patient or colleagues. Feelings weren't hurt nor were body parts ripped off of either of us. I'm crossing my fingers. I have already taken heat a couple of times in passing from supervisors - clearly letting me know that I will be held accountable to keep my partner in line because of previous (alleged) frowned upon behaviors.

Who's on your TOP TEN LIST?

2008-12-27T00:17:00.015-05:00

It's a meme - A SEXY MEME!
Sit down and compose your TOP TEN FANTASY LIST - of CELEBRITIES. Then go to the Internet and copy your favorite sexy pic of the celeb and post as part of your answer. Be sure to tell everyone WHY this hottie gets you hot!!! Start off with #10 and build up to your #1.

Now GO!!!

10. ALYSSA MILANO

She was such a HAWT TOMBOY on Who's The Boss in the 80's!

9. GILLIAN ANDERSON

Sexy Hot Doctor chasing down David Duchovny and paranormal phenomenon!!! Yum!

8. KATE WINSLET

I wanted to be Leonardo DiCaprio making out with her in the back seat of that car stored below deck in Titanic! Steaming up the windows....WHACK! (hand against the window) She moans out!

7. GINA GERSHON & JENNIFER TILLY

This pair has to count as one. I can't rank one over the other! If you have not seen BOUND... what rock have you been under? It's only the hottest lesbian sex scenes in mainstream cinema!!!

6. DREW BARRYMORE

She's been hot in everything since she was legal. We are about the same age, and as I found my comfort with my sexuality... there was Drew. Sexiest was in Batman, where she is in all white lacy lingerie!

5. MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I didn't really dig Maggie until I saw The Dark Knight a couple of weeks ago. Raised my interest enough to get her on my list. Her recent modeling for Agent Provocateur Lingerie moved her up to #5!

4. ALYSON HANNIGAN

Sexy Lesbian Witch on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer! Nymphomaniac on American Pie. I can't wait to see her new sit-com!

3. MARISKA HARGITAY

Law & Order, SVU doesn't write boyfriends into Olivia Benson's life because of her dedication to her job, supposedly. I can still fantasize that she plays for my team, right?

2. NATALIE PORTMAN

I first fell for Natalie as Queen Amidala on the Star Wars Prequels, and was dazzled by her dedicated acting in V-Vendetta

1. LUCY LIU

Hot in Ally McBeal and Shanghai Noon, Hotter in Kill Bill. THE DAMNED HOTTEST WOMAN I HAVE EVER SEEN... (WEARING A FULL BODY CATSUIT AS A CORPORATE DOMINATRIX) IN CHARLIE'S ANGELS!!!

LAWD... I need a cool drink.

White Lies, Black Lies, and What Lies In-Between

2008-12-25T01:12:00.011-05:00

I will freely admit that I am an accomplished artist of spinning white lies. The kind you tell the cable company for sympathy so they will work with you to keep the internet and TV on. The kind that keeps bill collectors from blowing your phone up with harassing calls. The kind that spares someone's feelings when you forget their birthday. The kind that will excuse your expected presence from a family function you just don't feel up to making. Yeah, those are the little white lies I am really good at.

Then there are black lies. The flat out malicious lies that ruin peoples' lives. The one's that cost people their jobs, wreck marriages, break up happy homes, tarnish reputations, turn children against parents. I could site examples, but why beat dead horses? Those lies you never recover from. Not really. You move on, but their scars are still ugly and painful. The kind of scars that never heal and go away. You spend your days trying not to dwell when you have been hurt by them, because if you do you become crippled, Life screeches to a halt.

But what most folks don't think about are the lies that lie in-between. These are the lies that hurt people, sometimes just as deeply, yet the person telling them will still try to justify them. In their own minds it makes perfect sense to do what they are doing. Maybe the mentality is that the end result will justify their means.

I can admit that I am guilty of utilizing a few of these Gray Lies, if you will, over the years. I'm not proud of them. At the moment one of these Gray Lies spilled forth from my lips, I had found myself in some sort of deep shit. Sometimes self created. Sometimes not. But in those moments where the absolute truth was not an option (for whatever reason), where there was sheer panic and need for immediate action, I have not always made the best decision in which direction to take. And I admit that. With that said, I don't feel that I am casting stones in a glass house so much with my feelings on the topic. I will also find a way to take responsibility for the ensuing fall out from my Gray Lies (or white lies for that matter), and I try my damnedest to mend any broken fences along the way.

I have spent several months wrapped up in someone else's Grey Lie. I can understand their discomfort with telling the truth. I can understand the fallout they feel would rain down upon them. What I wish for is that the person telling this Grey Lie to be able understand how absolutely devastating it is to me to be the topic of this lie. To be told one minute that you are their one-and-only-everything, and then completely deny you to the world the next, or at the very least minimize your existence or roll in their life... It is heartbreaking.

I came clean with my family about having this person in my life. I realized that there was no point in lying. It was a facade that could not realistically be maintained anyhow. It's difficult to keep up a lie to your family when they live 30 minutes away, call daily, and can drop by with a minute's notice. I also realized that once the honesty hit, so would the shock, but the truth would slowly wash over everyone and ebb the shock away. (I guess it's easier to maintain such a lie when your family lives 10 hours away and there is no risk of an unannounced visit maybe???)

I was completely devastated to learn that when this person's mom started asking direct questions about me, my relationship with this person, and my roll in their life (to which mom already knew the answers in her heart), mom wasn't provided a totally honest and direct answer. She was answered with avoidance, omission, and diluted truth.

It's my place to ask for forgiveness from them for my wrongs done. I don't need anyone to speak on my behalf for that. I shouldn't have anyone but me account for what I did wrong in our relationship. And I don't really see them taking it out on this person like they are convinced would happen. Just my opinion. Yet if I don't have a place in their reality, and currently exist in their minds and thoughts, I can't really have the opportunity to make a mends and someday regain their respect.

I took the initial heat with my family for my decision to bring this person back into my life. But in doing that, this person was subsequently and indirectly given an opportunity to prove their worth, prove their intentions, and regain respect. Not only with my family... but with me as well. I'd just like to have that same opportunity... because it means that much to me.

Right now I can't put to words how that makes me feel. But it certainly ain't good.

ps - Yeah.... Merry Christmas (sigh)

All I want for Christmas Eve....

2008-12-24T23:09:00.004-05:00

Is a 33 year old hemodialysis patient, in respiratory ~~distress~~ failure!!!

MUST:
*Be overdue for dialysis.
*Have missed dialysis for a stupid reason.
*Miss dialysis because "transportation" didn't show up today.
*Miss dialysis because no one could drive him the 1/2 mile to dialysis.
*Not go to the hospital 6 hours ago when he started huffin & puffin.
*Refuse to go the the hospital with dialysis capabilities.
*Demand to go to the ~~hospital~~ bandaid box across the street from dialysis.
*Demand to go to the ~~hospital~~ bandaid box 1/2 mile down the street.
*Have a blood pressure of 250/140 and a pulse of 120.
(No, seriously!)
*Get hypoxic when the ER decreases the 15LPM on the non-rebreather.
*Get hypoxic agitation and start coming off the gurney.
*Not have any realistic peripheral IV access.
*Have scars from all the cut-downs and previous central lines.
*GET NASAL INTUBATION BY REALLY HOT ATTENDING - WHILE CONSCIOUS!!!
*Finally get a femoral central line.
*GET AN IMMEDIATE RSI BECAUSE NASAL TUBE WASN'T KICKIN IT FOR THE RT.

**Delay our return to service for an hour...
(because this ER wants his ass transferred as soon as he hit the door, and the receiving ER wants to be picky about trivial shit regarding his EMS transfer... when in all reality he is gonna code before they find a way to get him out the door and to a more adequate ER for his needs.)

A Brilliant Realization? Not really...

2008-12-15T22:37:00.009-05:00

Today, we were discussing the legendary drag performer Mr. Charlie Brown.

Around this time Paula Deen came on Food Network, which is nearly always on our TV. If you haven't read my post on Food Network Addiction.

I suddenly realized that Mr. Charlie Brown looks an awful lot like Ms. Paula Deen. Actually, Ms. Paula Deen looks an awful lot like Mr. Charlie Brown. I figure the later to be the case, seeing as Paula Deen's Homepage FAQ's divulges that "The sweetest man named Jamie Cribbs does my hair for me."

I think I found her hair-dresser's inspiration!!!

Another Name Generator?

2008-12-15T21:37:00.003-05:00

Ok... while prepping for my next post, I ran across this little savory waste of 2 minutes you will never get back: DRAG QUEEN NAME GENERATOR

Give it s shot and post YOUR DRAG QUEEN NAME in my comments!

Mine was Ivana Dick.
Strange.
Maybe it's temporarily out of order?

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS...

2008-12-12T15:25:00.005-05:00

(IS EQUAL RIGHTS!!!)

Please pass this along.
Saturday Dec 13, from 1pm-5pm - there will be an Equal Rights Demonstration @ Phipps & Lenox Malls, Atlanta (Buckhead), Georgia. This will be a carry over from the Prop 8 Protest at the State Capitol a few weeks back.

Here's the link: SOUTHERN VOICE ARTICLE.
ATLANTA ACTIVISTS TO PROTEST SATURDAY
From Southern Voice: 12-12-08

The same Atlanta organizers who put on the Nov. 15 gay rights rally at the State Capitol hope hundreds turn out again Saturday for their next visibility action, “All I Want for Christmas is Equal Rights.”

The protest, designed to build on the momentum from last month’s event, is set for 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. on the sidewalks around Lenox Mall and Phipps Plaza.

“There won’t be any speakers like the last rally because it just won’t work because it’s on sidewalks,” organizer Jeff Schade told Southern Voice last week. “We are asking people to bring signs, like they did last time.

“We will have bullhorns and be leading chants, so it’s not a silent protest,” he said. “We’re stressing to keep it peaceful, keep it respectful, we’re not out to push ourselves into anything.”

The Nov. 15 rally at the State Capitol, and a vigil later the same day in Midtown, were part of a national day of protest against Proposition 8, a measure passed Nov. 4 by California voters to rescind gay marriage in the state.

“In my opinion, Prop. 8 really was a wakeup call. It really was the face of the gay rights movement of this decade,” Schade said.

“To me it was really a wakeup call to our community, as far as what we’re trying to achieve. When I look at the GLBT community we have a large community but we’re also very scattered, and so we are trying to bring the community together,” he said.

Proud to call Atlanta home?

2008-12-10T11:12:00.004-05:00

Where have I been? Somehow I missed this news story. Apparently a 20-something with Bi-Polar Disorder recently went ape-shit on an elderly lady on the subway. It was caught on video, and of course it then went viral on YouTube.

Once she was arrested, the outcries for sympathy and understanding from the family went out to the local media. And subsequently TONS of vlogs came out in response to her actions, her arrest, her family, etc. All I can say is watch the video and form your own opinion. Be aware that this is FULL of vulgarities if you are going to view it around others.

My personal opinion is that this is a disgrace! Bi-Polar or not. It was her responsibility to take her medication. It was a conscious choice not to do so, and therefore she should be held accountable for her actions when she didn't. If you choose to drink and drive, you have to answer for it when you are arrested or when you cause an accident.

As far as the brother posting a plea on YouTube for sympathy and understanding, maybe having her family take up for her over the years gave her the comfort to feel like she can do what she wants with no consequence. Get over it. If she takes the heat for what she did, she will have to be a responsible adult and not only answer for her actions, but realize the importance of taking care of herself and her "condition".

As for how this situation went down... it is even more of a disgrace how the other passengers on this train let it go on and on and on before even asking her to chill out, then finally grabbing hold of her when her tirade was turned to them. How disgusting! She could have given that elderly lady a freakin heart attack! Bet you would have jumped up and handled it if she was in YOUR grandmother's face like that though!

What should have happened was a group of the passengers should have jumped her ass and held her down until the police arrived. Didn't y'all learn anything from flight 93 on 9/11?

And as for her due process? She had an overly generous judge who called a dead docket and forwarded the case to a pre-trial mental health intervention program. Sorry. Too late for that. She has been diagnosed. She refused to take her meds. She needs to be held accountable.

Final Conclusion in Teen's Death.....

2008-11-26T10:39:00.006-05:00

Atlanta 911 Chief has final word on recent teen death

The autopsy concluded that classroom horseplay caused a fractured clavicle, which severed the teen's subclavian artery.

Several factors contribute here:
1. The call was dispatched as "chest pain", with probably NO indication of trauma or injury.
2. Without suspicion of trauma, paramedics might treat treat cardiac arrest based on the presumption of a cardiac etiology, not factoring in occult BLOOD LOSS requiring fluid challenge.
3. Lack of the extra hands makes working the arrest difficult, but NOT impossible. This was a load and go call. Take the school officers to help perform CPR if fireman aren't available. They were trained in CPR. Some help is better than NO help. Clinically and Legally speaking. (From personal experience the police are less big-headed, and will actually listen to your directions and requests, and can perform adequate CPR just as good as a fireman. Too many cooks spoil the soup, same with paramedic patches.)
MOST DAUNTING:
4. Being that Benjamin Mays High School is minimum 10-15 minutes from *ANY* hospital (barring that Southwest Community Band-Aid Station was not open this week!) - With a subclavian bleed, even a KNOWN or SUSPECTED ONE... the child didn't have a fighting chance chance. Consider the response time, contact time, extraction time, and transport time. The child needed high volume transfusion until a SURGEON could repair the artery -- ONCE, AND IF, THEY EVEN FOUND THE SOURCE OF CARDIAC ARREST WAS AN ARTERIAL BLEED.
5. Even if EMS "got him back" enroute... the ER would have never found the bleed in time. He would have coded again, and eventually the code would have been called.

That's the sad truth of it all.

I'm very sympathetic for this family and this community's loss. Sometimes, EMS can't save them... even if dispatch hadn't cancel the extra hands.

Firefighters...

2008-11-21T10:10:00.004-05:00

I heard the groans already. Many adept paramedics and EMT's cringe at the word. Stereotypically, when fire department personnel shows up at your scene (and nothing is actually on FIRE), things tend to go to shit quickly.

However... IF THEY ALL LOOKED LIKE THIS....

SOMETHING TELLS ME SHE NEEDS TO UPDATE HER CPR CARD... (AND I NEED MOUTH TO MOUTH!!!)

Because....

2008-11-21T08:59:00.003-05:00

...I miss the witt and humor of EMS and ER staffers.

Yeah... that's just damn funny.

THE DNR SONG - Sung to "Rockstar" by Nickelback

Boredom

2008-11-18T07:41:00.005-05:00

Inspired (if only briefly) by Eric over at EMS HAIKU for this one.

Blogger Spotlight: TONY TRIMBLE

2008-11-12T21:30:00.006-05:00

I have much admiration for this fella. I'd say gentleman, but that's just not Tony. He's a gruff ole medic, wise beyond his years, experienced in every fucked up scenario you could ever imagine. A former super-uber-military special ops kinda guy too.

When I hired on at Grady EMS, he was a field supervisor. In recent years, he resigned from supervising to work prn while getting his RN (BSN?). Once inside that privileged world of starched white scrubs and MRSA infested hospital wards, he concluded that a paramedic's idea of work ethic far surpassed the concept previously established by the estrogen soaked, gossipy, PMS having, whiny, cackling hen bitches up on the floor. So back to EMS he came. When I left Grady, he was just a good ole field medic again. Last I heard - he recently resigned. I could only begin to guess why. We all have our reasons.

Although I have urged him to sign on to blogspot, he has yet to take me up on the offer as far as I know. His MyspaceBlog is public, and I urge everyone to browse his posts and archives. It's a great read!

www.myspace.com/paramedic337

...And yes, his GA Paramedic # is 337. He was one of the first batch of Paramedics that the state graced with a patch from the State Composite Board of Medical Examiners.

His most recent batch of posts are titled "Things Tony is not allowed to do while on duty" with a follow up segment titled "As an EMS Supervisor, Tony is not allowed to..."

* * * * * *REPOSTED* * * * * *
During 27 years at Grady EMS, I complied a fairly extensive list of the "Things Tony is not allowed to do while on duty".
Yes, having a sense of humor on the ambulance does keep you in trouble with the boss.

1) Not allowed to refer to the ambulance as "The Poor Man's MARTA"
2) Not allowed to keep score of 'codes' on the outside of the ambulance with a rubber stamp silhouette of human with a slash through them.
3) Not allowed to refer to his job function as the "WalMart greeter for Heaven"
4) Not allowed to refer to the 'poof of smoke' from poor defibrillator skin contact as 'another successful exorcism'.
5) Not allowed to respond to a dispatcher's assignment of a call with "You've got to be shittin' me"
6) Not allowed to tell the supervisor to "Take out the crayolas and go color" when working a mass casualty incident.
7) Not allowed to tell firefighters that you'll ask for their opinion only if the patient suddenly bursts into flames.
8) Not allowed to refer to the new interns as 'little Doclings'
9) Not allowed to refer to the Director of Operations as "She who must be obeyed"
10) Not allowed to refer to EMS administration as the 'Keystone Kops'
11) Not allowed to refer to a mass casualty incident as a 'clusterfuck'
12) Not allowed to place a hand on a patient's forehead while shouting "By the power of Jesus be healed!" immediately following the administration of D50.
13) Not allowed to refer to police officers as 'blue canaries' when at a Haz-Mat spill
14) Not allowed to list a patient's condition as 'Boneyard dead'
15) Not allowed to list 'full of shit' as an assessment
16) Not allowed to respond to a supervisory instruction with "I don't think so"
17) Not allowed to coat the bench seat with 'Armor All' in anticipation of receiving a dumbass patient
18) Not allowed to stand over a multi-trauma patient and say, "Ooooh…that'll leave a mark"
19) Not allowed to recommend a tubal ligation to patients having their 5th, 6th, or 10th child.
20) Not allowed to hold up an Olympic-style score card at a post-suicide scene
21) Not allowed to mark out the names of cardiac arrest patients from the Atlanta telephone directory as a means of performing a death notification
22) Not allowed to tap dance and sing, "Guess who died in bed today…do-dah, do-dah" as a death notification
23) Not allowed to respond to a dispatcher with "Bite me"
24) Not allowed to give directions to the nearest housing project to lost out-of-towners
25) Not allowed to play the 'William Tell Overture' or 'Flight of the Valkyries' as a substitute for the siren
26) Not allowed to play the Ringling Bros. "Here come the clowns" over the PA as the fire department arrives at the scene
27) Not allowed to answer a firefighters question with "Because I'm smarter than you"
28) Not allowed to ask a police officer to shoot an annoying patient29) Not allowed to send a family member for the bathroom plunger when performing a home delivery
30) Not allowed to ask for a 'burger and fries' while handling a seizure at McDonald's
31) Not allowed to refer to naso-tracheal intubation as 'snot locker duct work'
32) Not allowed to refer to a Basic EMT as 'my porter', 'scribe', or 'strong back/weak mind'
33) Not allowed to refer to a nurse as the 'band aid bimbo'
34) Not allowed to refer to the on-site supervisor as 'comedy relief'
35) Not allowed to preface a treatment with "This is going to fucking hurt"
36) Not allowed to respond to a patient's choice of hospitals with "It was nice knowing you"
37) Not allowed to list 'pavement pizza' as the assessment for a pedestrian struck by car
38) Not allowed to play 'guess the part' with people hit by a train
39) Not allowed to write "I didn't see shit' on a supervisor's investigation paperwork
40) Not allowed to play 'How many assholes can we stack inside the ambulance' at a multi-patient scene
41) Not allowed to identify the ambulance as 'Lethal weapon 240'
42) Not allowed to refer to a new medic's paramedic numbers as 'a license to kill'
43) Not allowed to choke the driver for almost getting the ambulance in a collision
44) Not allowed to mark 'unknown' for gender on paperwork for gay patients
45) Not allowed to refer to hospital administration as 'Satan's minions'
46) Not allowed to tell an intern, "I need a real doctor"
47) Not allowed to question an MD order with "Not in this lifetime"
48) Not allowed to answer a dispatcher's inquiry about location with, "We're fucking lost"
49) Not allowed to respond to a fat person's request for a stretcher with, "That ain't happening"
50) Not allowed to hook a finger behind a fat patient's ear while shouting, "Up Maja…Up!"
51) not allowed to refer to the EMS administrative offices as 'Fantasyland'
52) not allowed to refer to admin memos as 'stone tablets given to him by a burning bush'
53) not allowed to stop in mid-sentence to explain a multi-syllable word to the director
54) not allowed to pull behind a large parked truck, throw on the lights/siren, and scream when he notices his partner sleeping soundly.
55) Not allowed to write memos to supervision in bright Crayola colors
56) Not allowed to refer to the 'Attending Physician' as the 'Senior Witch Doctor in Charge'
57) Not allowed to ask a crabby nurse, "Did someone light the string on your tampon?"
58) Not allowed to refer to Trauma 1 and 2 as "the abattoir".
59) Not allowed to refer to the CPR room as 'The Pearly Gates"
60) Not allowed to ask a firefighter if they want a band aid for the scrapes caused by dragging their knuckles on the ground
61) Not allowed to ask for a doctor without their head up their ass
62) Not allowed to write a two page memo in single-space typewritten to explain why the air conditioner isn't working
63) Not allowed to speculate as to the actual grade school level EMS administrators were in when they dropped out of school
64) Not allowed to explain to female patients that PID means 'Pus in Dere'
65) Not allowed to explain to the male companion that PID means 'Pussy is Disabled'
66) Not allowed to grade marksmanship on victims of gunshot wounds
67) Not allowed to point out visible organ structures to multi-trauma patients
68) Not allowed to check a new hire's date of birth to assure that they are old enough to drive
69) Not allowed to refer to EMS as a human-variant of UPS
70) Not allowed to describe a multi-trauma patient as 'fucked up beyond belief' over the med radio
71) Not allowed to explain "Pink is good…Blue is bad" to an intern
72) Not allowed to observe "All bleeding will eventually stop" in Trauma 1
73) Not allowed to suggest that the ER Docs kill a chicken and shake a rattle at the patient
74) Not allowed to growl, "His soul is mine" when working a seizure in the middle of a church service
75) Not allowed to hand EMS equipment to a big-mouthed bystander with the instructions, "OK…you fix him"
76) Not allowed to direct reporters into an active Haz-Mat spill
77) Not allowed to tell bystanders that the reason for all of the agencies being present at a scene was that it was an actually an alien encounter…not a Haz-Mat situation
78) Not allowed to tell an entrapped driver of an overturned car, "Bitchin' parking spot, Dude"
79) Not allowed to call a multi-stab wound patient 'a human sprinkler' over the med radio
80) Not allowed to document a tachycardia as 'RPM's set too high'
81) Not allowed to ask a crabby nurse "When did you last get laid?"
82) Not allowed to offer to superglue a talkative partner's lips together
83) Not allowed to address a hygiene issue with "Do you know that you smell like a goat?"
84) Not allowed to sign the supervisor's name to a written warning for being a smartass
85) Not allowed to hand a surgeon a piece of candy while saying, "Nice costume Kid"
86) Not allowed to drive on the sidewalk…with or without pedestrians being present
87) Not allowed to describe a surgical wound as 'split from asshole to appetite'
88) Not allowed to question a Director's instruction with, "What exactly were you drinking?"
89) Not allowed to refer to defibrillation as 'jumpstarting a corpse'
90) Not allowed to throw a patient complaint into the trash before they leave the room
91) Not allowed to laugh hysterically while taking a patient complaint about an EMS crew
92) Not allowed to discuss plans for lunch over a decomposing corpse with a new hire
93) Not allowed to pause in mid-resuscitation to ask a passing waiter, "What was he having…I eat here fairly often"
94) Not allowed to refer to the dispatcher as 'The Great Oz'
95) Not allowed to offer an employee 'wall to wall counseling'
96) Not allowed to cut an employee's ID into small pieces while questioning, "Guess what this means"
97) Not allowed to offer to glue an overly active kid's feet to the floor
98) Not allowed to refer to the human resources department as 'Touchy Feely Central'
99) Not allowed to the legal affairs office as 'the courthouse bordello'
100) Not allowed to explain hospital bypass as 'circling 285 until somebody dies' to a patient's family

10 years of EMS supervision also created more than a few 'situations' that prompted me to created "As an EMS Supervisor, Tony is...."

1) Not allowed to answer the supervisor's telephone with "And your silly ass problem is…"
2) Not allowed to assign problem employees to the zone furthest from the office.
3) Not allowed to put two lethal employees together to keep the body count as low as possible 4) Not allowed to giggle when accepting a resignation
5) Not allowed to suspend an employee for 'being a pain in my ass'
6) Not allowed to hold a 'career options' counseling session for pain in the ass employees
7) Not allowed to drag patients out of the ambulance by their ears
8) Not allowed to launch patients out the side door of the ambulance with a boot
9) Not allowed to have patients arrested for 'being a waste of protoplasm'
10) Not allowed to give problem employees a ragged out ambulance every shift while explaining that the unit is a 'special assignment' ending the same day as their employment
11) Not allowed to explain to complaining patients, "You needed to be verbally abused"
12) Not allowed to say, "What the fuck did you do this time?" to initiate an investigation
13) Not allowed to compare an employee's driving skills to Helen Keller
14) Not allowed to offer to shove a cell phone up an employee's ass
15) Not allowed to evaluate an administrator's idea with the words 'addle brained'
16) Not allowed to offer employees 'a blunt force vasectomy'
17) Not allowed to write 'dumbass', 'as lazy as the day is long', 'oxygen thief', 'useless as tits on a boar hog', 'should be executed', 'waste of skin', 'estrogen overload', 'couldn't find his ass with two hands and a roadmap', 'clueless', 'should be employed by the fire department', 'EMS administration material', 'toxic personality', 'my karma payment', 'our effort to meet the EEOC requirement for hiring the mentally handicapped', 'a blunt instrument of fate', "Saint Peter's apprentice', 'proof that we've offended God', 'intellectually challenged', 'candidate for placement in a wood chipper', 'should not touch any viable lifeform', or 'fucking dangerous' on any employee evaluations
18) Not allowed to remind the EMS Director that the Easter Bunny isn't real
19) Not allowed to write memos ending with, "And so the prophets spoke"
20) Not allowed to ask employees of the Human Resources Department, "Do you actually do anything of merit?"
21) Not allowed to tell administrators, "Don't try to think, it will cause you to have a headache"
22) Not allowed to keep a jar of Panadol on the desk for Operation Manager visits
23) Not allowed to tell the ER Attending, "If you piss me off, I'll have every diverted patient brought to your hospital."
24) Not allowed to divert a nasty drunk to North Fulton Hospital
25) Not allowed to request that an employee relax their anal sphincter to allow more oxygen to reach their brain

A lesson in PREVENTATIVE EXPENDITURES

2008-11-12T07:55:00.003-05:00

Oklahoma to debut new sirens you can FEEL...

At $400 each, it will cost roughly $40k to outfit this service's entire fleet with a new siren aimed at PREVENTING future collisions by UPGRADING OUTDATED TECHNOLOGY. This new siren is designed to increase ambulance "visibility" by making inattentive drivers FEEL the ambulance that is coming their way, thus reducing the likelihood of a response related crash.

When contemplating the expenses of a basic ambulance crash:
Repair or replacing an ambulance worth $75k-$125K
Repair or replacing a civilian vehicle worth $10k-$50K
Injuries and medical expenses - potentially immeasurable.

$40K in preventative expenditures! This purchase pays for its self when it prevents the first crash!!!

This is a lesson that could be shared with OTHER EMS AGENCIES!

Spending a little money here and there for "quality" vehicle maintenance, stretcher servicing and maintenance, NEW STAIR CHAIRS and other new equipment, and YEARLY driver's training goes a long way... most especially when compared to the money spent on repetitive vehicle maintenance (for problems that NEVER get fixed after multiple trips to the repair shop), settlements on personal injury claims from patients injured on defective stretchers, settlements on personal injury claims from collisions with civilian vehicles, --- OH... AND DID I MENTION ALL THE LOST HOURS, MEDICAL EXPENSES, AND SALARY BENEFITS FOR INJURED EMPLOYEES FORCED TO UTILIZE WORKERS COMPENSATION.

On a side note... $40k is a drop in the bucket when considering an operating budget of MILLIONS of dollars, and the potential revenue from billing for EMS services!!!!

Why this job SUCKS...

2008-11-05T14:53:00.004-05:00

CLICK THIS LINK... and see why I REFUSE to ever work Urban EMS ever again!!!

POLITICAL DETERMINATION!!!!

2008-11-05T14:42:00.003-05:00

CLICK THIS LINK: Just too great to pass this story up

Love me some TEXAS JUSTICE!!!

2008-10-23T16:59:00.004-04:00

Firefighter and wife fight off home invasion...
And beat the piss out of their attacker!

NEWS ARTICLE

Click this link to LISTEN TO WIFE'S DESPERATE 911 CALL FOR HELP.

They tried to comply with the robber's demands, handing over valuables, all the cash they had on hand (<$100), plus their cars. The fireman suffered a broken arm and a bashed-in face. Then... his wife was assaulted. That's where they drew the line, and began to fight back!

The 911 call is truly amazing!!! Ole Wifey has a brass pair!!!

Time for changes?

2008-10-22T08:49:00.007-04:00

My deepest sympathy goes out to this family and the students at Mays High School:

STUDENT DIES - ALS RESONDERS CANCELLED EN ROUTE, NEVER RE-DISPATCHED AFTER BLS CREW ON SCENE MADE REQUEST

This, like other recent Atlanta and Fulton County dispatching errors only recently brings to light life endangering problems and "errors" that emergency providers in Metro-Atlanta have battled for years. It was not uncommon to be dispatched with misinformation at least ONCE in a shift, often several calls per day. These problems range from wrong addresses, incomplete addresses, mis-triaged calls, wrong responders sent (i.e. EMS sent for police only calls), not enough responders sent (as was this case), EMS being CONSTANTLY sent into unsafe or violent scenes without warning AND without police assistance.

Part of the solution Grady EMS offered was to take over dispatching their own ambulances when Fulton County determined EMS was requested or needed. And while that has notably reduced EMS response times in the City of Atlanta (where Grady EMS is contracted by Fulton County to respond) it still does not fix the problems within Fulton County and City of Atlanta 911 dispatch centers.

It is very sad to loose child because of someone else's poor choice or "error". Numerous times, it has been a situation of nearly loosing responders because we were often sent into unsafe scenes without warning and Police backup (i.e. gunman still at scene still firing), because call takers and/or dispatchers failed to pass along that information. Any EMT or Paramedic student will tell you that the first rule of EMS is *SCENE SAFETY*!!!

Fulton and City of Atlanta - Listen up! CHANGES MUST BE MADE! LIVES ARE BEING LOST! It's far less expense to cough up the money to update your 911 centers, purchase the GPS-Cell Phone Locating software, and re-train your employees... than to pay out millions of dollars in law suits and settlements. But hey, that's a conclusion they will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to a consulting firm full of Master's Degreed "professionals" to decide.

ANOTHER RECOVERING GRADY ADDICT?

2008-10-17T00:53:00.019-04:00

Allow me to introduce Lenya. Lenya is another Recovering Grady Addict. Her story is not unlike mine, or other Recovering Grady Addicts out there. Lenya's story does veer off the path a little from the rest of us. She served her time at Grady EMS, albeit short lived. For her, it only took a few months before Grady shoved their boot up her ass without the courtesy of KY.

She sustained a back injury on Oct 12, 2007 at 2:45 am, while treating a deteriorating critical patient, and has been DICKED AROUND EVER SINCE!!! Thus, another "RECOVERING GRADY ADDICT".

Grady's outdated, thrift shop valued equipment failed, causing her to sustain this injury. The pristine, yet CHEAP, stair-chair pictured to the right is the nice and pretty updated design similar to the one in question, and is in mint condition. The stair-chair in question (circa 1982) should have been replaced around 1990, has thread-bare orange vinyl where here you see green. The seat belts have long ago disintegrated, requiring backboard straps (with flimsy plastic "buckles") to be TIED to the frame as a poor substitution for YOUR family member's SAFETY!!! Regardless, it collapsed. Thus, dumping a rather sickly, but large and corn-fed fella, onto the floor. Thus, jerking Lenya over the chair and down on top of him and said stair-chair. Had they actually purchased a newer, more standard model, like the one to the left, this would have NEVER happened.

On Tuesday, Lenya had her surgery at Piedmont. Apparently having herniated disks, diagnosed by orthopaedic surgeons, is a REAL condition! And - it requires surgery!!! Who knew?

This pic is from today, after removing the adhesive dressing. It was kinda gross because the contraption looked like one big ole overnight super absorbent maxi-pad stuck to her back, running from her ass crack half way up her spine.

Now, there are some haters out there who love to scoff at the misery of others, and once again they have begun to rear their ugly heads. But as always, their smart ass sarcasm and accusations are full of hot air and will, as always, go unsubstantiated, because they are simply un-true.

CONCERNED TWO-FACED FUCKERS AT GRADY

2008-10-08T09:33:00.014-04:00

GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT MY (CURRENT) LIFE WAS PRETTY PATHETIC, BUT Y'ALL GOT ME BEAT! DO YOU NOT HAVE BETTER SHIT TO DO THAN TO MIND OUR BUSINESS FOR US???

It has been recently brought to my attention that I should watch my P's and Q's. My recent blog post about my mom coming for a visit and taking me and a group of people out for dinner and a cabaret show seems to paint a picture that Lenya and I are having too much fun these days, considering our "conditions". And it seems to be raising a few eyebrows down at the Gradys. Oh, *NOW* y'all give a damn? Sure you do. Maybe you should think about kissing my big fat white ass.

For those (few) of you who didn't know... I have been struggling with an ongoing worker's comp case with Grady EMS that stems from an on duty injury that occurred in February of 2005. I was the unfortunate recipient of the typical back injury many EMS providers experience at some point in their career. This has been an open and ongoing case, complete with regularly scheduled ortho appointments, and "pain management". The idea of "resolution" to my ortho was to torture me with epidurals of anti-inflammatory steroids. He is by far **NOT** a gentle and patient man, especially when jamming a fucking needle into my spine. NO MAS, boys and girls.

The condition has never been HEALED or resolved. I worked in pain EVERY SINGLE DAY on the truck, because my ortho's idea of "treating" the problem was just to prescribe more narcotics. Band-Aid on a bullet wound! Lemmie get this right. As a medical provider, who drives an ambulance and makes life or death decisions... I was "supposed" to be doing my job under the influence of narcotics? I don't fucking think so. Would you want your granny's Paramedic to be doped up while treating her stroke, cardiac arrest, COPD? Didn't think so. Besides... it's against Grady's drug policy.

I had to fight with my ortho to have a regimen of non-narcotic agents that would soothe my pain enough to do my job. Notice I said soothe, not alleviate. That regimen included Ultram, Lido-Derm patches, and Neurontin. The combination of those three medications throughout my shift made my pain a 4-5 of 10, and I had no choice but to tolerate that, because I had to make a living. I had to pay my car note, mortgage, utilities, and other costs of living.

And while we are discussing my diagnosis and treatment for these three plus years... I have always been told by my panel approved ortho (not my choice physician!) that I have a "back strain", "sciatica", and that my pain comes from "inflammation of the soft tissues in my lower back". So I am assuming that is what he has based his course of therapy on. **FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS**??? Nay, nay. There is more.

This spring and summer, I experienced an unprovoked exacerbation of my pain. Interesting, seeing as there is no new injury or re-injury. My argument all along has been that there has to be more to this. Seems as though I was right. I went back to Dr. Passive, my ortho and practically had to beg him for re-evaluation of my case. He reluctantly ordered new x-rays (displayed in a previous post), and a new MRI. The results directed him to refer me to a SURGEON. I needed a surgeon for a "back strain"?

Upon my first appointment with Dr. Surgeon, his first impression of the MRI report is to start discussion of SPINAL FUSION. His reasoning is that my "HERNIATIONS" are worse. Herniations? Huh? What? Yeah... apparently my first MRI in 2005 showed them, and Dr. Passive chose to ignore that fact. That dumb ass never told me I had disk herniations. I don't feel like he ever treated me for herniations. And right back on the ambulance I went. I don't think that was an informed decision, now that I look back on it. In 2005, I was in a position to be able to request a reassignment and/or return to school.

So now that all you are up to speed....

The rest of this post is not in anyway meant to be inflammatory to that SMALL handful of our friends (and I can literally name 4 or 5 of you) who have called to check on us, offered to help us out, or offered words of care and concern. We love you all. And you all know the real story. You know how bad things really are for us.

But you see, I worked at Grady EMS for 8 years, and accumulated a bunch of "friends" none of whom have yet to ONCE call me since I RESIGNED from Grady last year. Not a single one has called since hearing that I might have to have spinal surgery.... YEAH -- THIS IS FOR YOU.

This post is my response for those gossipy, goody-goody ass-fucks, and other "haters" out there, who *THINK* they know what's up. Let me give you a peek into my daily life...

I typically wake up every morning at 6 or maybe 7 with excruciating back pain. Those narcotics I shunned for three years are now a disgusting regimen in my daily life. I have no qualms about telling you all what I take: 7.5mg hydrocodone, 50mg ultram, 350mg Soma, and 900mg of Neurontin... most of which are three times a day, along with the Lidoderm patches. I have no choice but to take them if I want to be able to get out of bed, bathe myself, go to the toilet by myself, dress myself, cook, or otherwise accomplish the basic functions of daily life. I can't do my own laundry very well, because I am unable to lift a load of laundry in a basket and carry it to the laundry room. There are days where I can't rise from bed or a sitting position without my back locking up and my legs collapsing from the pain.

I have spent over three months as a shut in, locked in my home, struggling to function. My excursions are limited to brief errands like going to the post office. Grocery shopping lands me in the bed for upwards of 24 hours. The last few times I went I was reduced to using the freaking electric wheelchair cart.

When it does happen that I can suppress my pain enough to enjoy going somewhere...
We don't have the money to do anything.

Apparently ONE night out at my mother's invitation -and expense- means we "party" too much. Gawd almighty!!! ONE FUCKING NIGHT OUT??? The first night when someone has even invited us to go somewhere. The first night someone offered to take us. The first night someone offered to pay. JESUS CHRIST!!! YOU JUDGEMENTAL BASTARDS! You try living boxed up in a residential prison for three months and see how fucking fast you jump on that offer!!!

First let me thank Margie, for giving us $20 so we could get in, and my mom for driving down from Rome, during a gas shortage, to pick us up and take us to a show THEY wanted to go to.

But I suppose it is more proper to decline, continue to sit at home, and ponder how long you would have to stow up your narcs and how many it would take to just end your pathetic existence. Yeah, well... I'm tired of being miserable. I'm tired of being sick and tired. So the next time someone asks us to go somewhere, by-gawd we're going. I might even try to have a good time too! I will be sure to take more pictures and blog about that too.

I HAVE NOTHING TO FUCKING HIDE!!!

THE ONE WHO IS HIDING IS THE COWARDICE BASTARD WHO DON'T STAND IN MY FACE AND SAY THIS SHIT!!! YOU COME TO MY HOME AND SEE HOW I LIVE AND THEN - AND ONLY THEN - DO YOU EVER HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE HOW I LIVE MY LIFE!!!

As far as finances go... I will break that down for you nosey bastards as well. I have been written out of work on "light duty" since July 14. Grady hasn't accommodated light duty orders for over a year. So they are supposed to pay anyway. Legally, no employer has to recognize duty restrictions on someone else's workers comp case. And since this case is under Grady... yeah. Do the math. I have not received one penny in salary compensation thus far. To date... that's going on 13 weeks, at $500 per week in workers comp (not what I could make if I were able to get on a truck and make overtime). 13 weeks at $500 is $6500. $6500 would go a long way these days.

Here is a break down of our most basic monthly expenses:
Rent $625
Jeep Payment $500
Honda Payment $225
Car Insurance $275
Cable / Internet $75
Cellphones $200
Groceries: $500
Gas $320
Credit Card minimums $200
Pet supplies $30
TOTAL: $2950

That don't include toiletries, laundry supplies, household items like toilet paper!!!

Lenya brings in $2000 a month. That leaves us $950 short now doesn't it? That might be why we don't have our rent money for October. Ya think?

I have burned through my savings during the first two months of being off work, just trying to make ends meet. So needless to day THINGS ARE GOING UN-PAID. My vehicle WILL be repo'd. My insurance WILL cancel. My credit cards ARE in default. The cell phone is always running a month past due. Our cable and Internet have been turned off a couple of times. We are certainly not eating three nutritious meals a day. We can't afford to go out to the movies, or anywhere else for that matter. Our entertainment consists of TV or watching old DVD's bought long ago, maybe going to the park once a week.

BUT UNDERSTAND THIS... WE ARE MOST CERTAINLY **NOT** LIVING A LIFE OF LUXURY.

I have applied for over 100 jobs in the last couple of months that I thought would not interfere with my "duty restrictions" and that I could perform with a Paramedic's "education and experience". I have applied for countless Medical Assistant positions and receptionist positions in physician's offices, clerical jobs, dispatch jobs... whatever. This is not a case of not wanting to work. Believe me. I want to work. What I really want is to be able to pay my fucking bills and not have to go on government assistance. And not have someone put a noose around my neck controlling my money (or lack there-of).

SO FOR ALL YOU BUSY-BODIES OUT THERE THAT *THINK* YOU KNOW WHAT OUR LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE... THAT IT IS SOME GRAND LUXURIOUS VACATION, LACKING WORRY, LACKING RESPONSIBILITY... YOU'RE DEAD FUCKING WRONG. IF YOU WERE SO GOD-DAMNED CONCERNED ABOUT US - YOU'D PICK UP A FUCKING PHONE AND ASK. AND IF YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO ASK... YOU MIGHT FEEL A LITTLE BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN "MISERABLE" LIVES.

YOU MIGHT JUST BE A LITTLE THANKFUL FOR THAT JOB AT GRADY YOU CONSTANTLY BITCH ABOUT... YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL TO HAVE A FRIDGE FULL OF HEALTHY FOOD... YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL THAT THE ONLY THING YOU COULD CATCH TO EAT ON YOUR SHIFT WAS WAFFLE HOUSE... YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL THAT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS MONEY TO GO TO THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND... YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE A CAR AND ARE MAKING THE PAYMENTS ON IT... YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL THAT YOUR RENT OR MORTGAGE IS PAID ON TIME, AND YOU AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT WHERE YOU WILL LIVE IF YOU DO LOOSE YOUR HOME... AND YOU MIGHT BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE FRIENDS THAT CARE ABOUT YOU TODAY - BECAUSE I PROMISE YOU -- TOMORROW THEY MIGHT NOT REMEMBER YOUR PATHETIC NAME!!!

SO FOR ALL YOU WHO WANT TO SIT IN YOUR IVORY TOWERS AND JUDGE ME LIKE YOU KNOW ME...
FUCK YOU!!! GO TO HELL.
AND KISS MY FAT WHITE HONKY DYKE ASS!!!

**SEND YOUR PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS. KICK OFF YOUR INQUISITION. QUESTION OUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND NEIGHBORS. I'M BEGGING YOU TO DO IT. MAYBE THEN YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN **BLIND** TO, AND YOU ALL WILL GET OFF YOUR SORRY APATHETIC ASSES AND DO RIGHT BY US.**

IT SUCKS WHEN SO VERY MUCH OF YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETELY BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. AND THOSE WHO ARE WIELDING CONTROL DON'T CARE IF YOU EAT OR STARVE, GO HOMELESS, LIVE OR DIE.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU HOLDING THOSE REINS.... YEAH, FUCK Y'ALL TOO.

9/11 "Memorial" in Marietta - SUCKED ASS!!!

2008-09-11T14:17:00.004-04:00

We checked around for a 9/11 memorial service to attend today, being that we are Paramedics by trade, American by birth, and might I add... HUMAN in SPIRIT by the grace of God. Most were either too far to drive, or started too early to beat rush hour. The AJC listed one in Marietta at the Cobb Civic Center at noon.

My first mistake was assuming that it was organized by Cobb Co. leaders or Public Safety Officials. My second mistake was assuming that it would be a service to memorialize those who died on 9/11 - EMS, Police, and Fire... as well as civilian, and also as a tribute to our Military personnel who have served since then to "fight the war on terror" and those who served even before 9/11. Boy howdee, were we wrong.

This disgusting service was organized by a right wing religious cooperative, formed from local church groups, who took this day of Honor and Remembrance and degraded it by NOT having a true memorial service, but rather sounding a call to action (in the name of 9/11 and all it stands for) to return Americans to their "true moral foundations". Not only was this an opportunistic approach to further their adjenda, but it was a disgrace and a dishonor to those who died on 9/11.

One speaker boasted aloud (and is directly quoted from their pamphlet), "On one level, the events of 9/11 awakened us to the threat of radical Islamic fundamentalism... but the greater threat confronting us is our departure from God." Their service progressed, it was one slippery step away from blaming 9/11 on the demoralization of our nation.. which coincidentally is one of the rationalizations that those same radical Islamic fundamentalists claim was their motivation for killing 3000 people that day. I say BULLSHIT!!!

Not a single word was uttered to honor the civilians who were trapped and died, or who were on Flight 93. Not a single word was uttered to honor those brave souls who rushed IN as thousands ran OUT. Not a single word was uttered to honor the EMT's, Paramedics, Fire Fighters, and Police Officers who gave their lives to save others. And for that I say *SHAME ON YOU* to this organization called CRY OUT AMERICA.

Their printed pamphlet/program was word for word, highlighted in bold print, the scripture attendees were expected to repeat, all the way down to an expectation to say "I repent" on the spot. I take offense with this (or any) religious group abusing a civic day of Honor and Remembrance to further their adjenda. I take offense that they did not disclose what their service was TRULY going to be about. I take offense that they utilized government property, and more so that they were allowed to do so probably free of charge, for their rally. And that was exactly what it was... A RELIGIOUS RALLY... NOT A MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR 9/11.

Now... don't get me wrong. I feel that there is nothing wrong with a moving spiritual service ALONG SIDE of Remembering and Honoring the events of 9/11. But this was a DISHONOR. Let's take a moment today, and really recognize what 9/11 SHOULD be about, and HONOR and REMEMBER.

HURRICAINE SCREWS NEW ORLEANS - Where have I heard this one before?

2008-08-31T23:37:00.011-04:00

As New Orleans (and the rest of Southern Louisiana) prepares to be seriously fucked for the second time in three years...

My favorite Louisiana blog buddy, the Paramedic I wanna grow up to be... Kelly, ( aka "Ambulance Driver", aka "A.D." http://www.ambulancedriverfiles.blogspot.com/ ) prepares for a 6am shift tomorrow in New Orleans. He has packed and prepped, as all good public safety folks do, to spend several days stuck at work, possibly unable to leave, most likely his relief unable to get in, and tons of 911 calls awaiting his attention.

Please say a little prayer for him, and all his colleagues as Gustav ass rapes Louisiana tomorrow.

My only question is this:

As we EMS peeps have lovingly referred to Katrina evacuees as Katricians, will Gustav evacuees be Gustavians? Nope, that almost sounds classy.

Forgot about this one...

2008-08-28T14:07:00.001-04:00

TOP 10 THINGS A PARAMEDIC SHOULDN'T SAY...

MOVED TO TEARS.....

2008-08-19T13:29:00.002-04:00

My friend Stephanie sent this today in a bulletin. It's not the original video by the band, but maybe even more moving. As I watched the 9/11 footage infused with clips of our soldiers caught up in this goddam war... I WAS MOVED TO TEARS.

Whatever your political affiliation or views, surely we all can appreciate the loss of life (world wide) this war has cost, and continues to cost every day, as well as the snow-balling political and economical fallout.

The media box is posted here, but to really appreciate it you have to use the actual YOUTUBE link below, and view it FULL SCREEN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwAGc4aM5q0

Bored Flamers....

2008-07-29T16:58:00.009-04:00

I am simply amazed at those who lack tack and diplomacy, no matter what level of dyke drama has ensued in the last three months. Two certain people feel that it is their business and right to stick their two cent's in WHERE IT DON'T FUCKING BELONG.

Candice, Mike, and Matt have lost their sister. Loretta has lost a daughter. Three precious children lost a mother. And that is that. I asked my blog readers for their prayers and well wishes for this family during this tragedy. What do I get? What does this family get? VENOM! Hateful, spiteful VENOM! From two people who don't know this family, have never met any member of this family, who have no direct knowledge of the situation, and most especially don't know the events and circumstances leading up to and surrounding the situation.

Ex called me Sunday, while driving to BootyCall's from West Virginia. She actually had the audacity to argue with me about how this was NEVER a murder. I am sure she was cued by BootyCall's snooping on the internet (see article attached to her "anonymous" comment on my previous post).

Let me tell you this. The media is RARELY privy to the full details of an investigation. As a 911 provider who once worked closely with police on crime scenes - DUH! You should know this. You yourself have seen details of crimes and scenes that are never released to the media. We all have.

As I returned home yesterday, I read the flaming smear so cowardly posted under anonymous. I was slack jawed. Just when I think these two can't stoop any lower.

Well folks... there is a new sheriff in town. And it's time for a change.

Amanda's death, be it by "accident", or as the result of THE DOMESTIC DISPUTE WHICH WAS IN PROGRESS AT THE TIME... has opened my eyes.

I finally had enough. I put my foot down and ended our "relationship" for good. And I'm strong enough to have the courage to do so. I loved her too much to see her in jail that day.

Whatever the case... just proves my point. Some folks are just spiteful, vengeful, venomous women... WHO ARE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER! The two of them can live in dyke drama bliss for the rest of their lives.

All actions have their reactions.

Thanks to the venomous comments on my blog, the posts on hers (which was entirely deleted yesterday - but not before it was printed out in it's entirity), harrassing phone calls, and the obvious lack of KNOWING WHEN TO STOP...

Some new changes:

(1.) As I type, TPO's are being processed with the local courts/police. TPO's are restraining orders. It was a little tricky to manage seeing as I didn't have addresses for these two. Not that I want them. Last thing I need is someone saying I stalked them or harrassed them. One moved to Auburn, Alabama. One is between residences. But the police are working on figuring all that out.

(2.) ALL NEW E-MAIL ADDRESSES. If you try AOL e-mail it prolly won't go through. My inbox is maxed out. Sooommmmeeone has seen fit to subscribe me to tons of spam, porn sites, weight loss recipies, magazines, bidding sites, male enhancement products, you name it. So much in-fact, that I have filed grievances with my ISP and THEIR ISP, and it is in the process of being traced for possible criminal prosecution by the ISP's (not me). Interestingly enough... many of these sites LOG YOUR ISP when you sign up. I happened across one of the bidding sites I was illegally signed up for, and according to their legal section, it seems that the FCC and FBI don't take too kindly to folks creating false accounts in regards to financial transactions. Big NO NO. So, next stop... FBI & FCC greivances.

(3.) Changes to the blog. It's a damn shame that I am having to go to all these extremes to just be LEFT THE HELL ALONE!!! I honestly don't think that either of them realizes how much BS the other is spinning when it comes to me, her, and someone's long term inability to just fucking decide who she want's to love, screw, and live with. I moved to start a new life, despite the lies and deception just to be allowed to move back in. I am content to remain single, and alone. I want to be left alone. Look it up in Webster's Dictionary. A.L.O.N.E.

Just so you all will understand my reasons for the changes to the blog, I will repost the nasty anonymous comment left on my post regarding my friend's sister's death.

***anonymous***
Yes, a tragedy and certainly a terrible loss for her family and friends. But not a murder; a terrible accident. Please be careful to report the truth, especially when a family is so affected by what you say. There is no need to add the usual drama to this; it is painful enough for them without your embellishment.

**CANDICE'S REPLY*** ((with an ID - TYVM))
newrexico@aol.com said...
FYI anonymous heartless jerk...this tragedy is still under investigation. It has been described as an accident because the only witness was the boyfriend, a convicted felon who beat her, told her she would never leave him, threatened her with violence against her family(including her children) if she ever left him. HOMICIDE is still investigating the only witnesses story which happens to be the boyfriend a convicted felon with a violent history's story. Please be careful to research your smearing before you smear so as not to look like a cold heartless idiot.

***MY RESPONSE***
Um... yeah. That was the victom's SISTER. A little pissed off about such a nasty, inconsiderate, chicken-shit "anonymous" post.

We all know who it was, who was driving from W.VA all day and who was sitting at home by her computer waiting for her trifling boi to rush back to her side.

You have so received EXACTLY what you deserved. My baggage could not have rolled off onto a better bellhop. Enjoy, darlin'!!!

I guess if you want to talk shit, you guys are gonna have to man up and STAND BEHIND WHAT YOU SAY. EVERYBODY. Friends... or otherwise. No more anonymous posts. Sorry. Some (ahem)-body had to ruin that for you all.

Most comment posts have not been blogspot users. The anonymous post option was just quick and convenient. Now you must be a blogspot member, *OR* thanks to a lovely little application... it will LOG YOUR IP ADDRESS and conveniently attach it to my e-mail notices for the new posts.

That way all threats, smears, and harrassments can be forwarded to the police to be documented and attached to my TPO (temporary protective order) files.

Another fabulous application is my lil site meter which stamps your IP address EVERY TIME YOU READ MY BLOG.

**********
To my friends and readers: Don't worry. Your IP will not show on the post or my blog. It will only show on the e-mail notice I get.

Loss......

2008-07-24T04:49:00.006-04:00

Just after 3am my phone awoke with back to back phone calls. Unusual for my phone to ring at odd hours of the night these days. It was a phone call I feared I would one day get.

The person calling has been of significant importance in my life for almost a decade, and we have seen each other through some seriously rough times. When I saw who was calling, I first thought she and her girlfriend had probably had THE fight. But this, sadly, was not the case. She and I had, together and individually, bailed her little sister out time after time. She had been in and out of psychotic and abusive relationships, battled addiction since she was a young teenager, and had three precious children before she was 21. My friend and I both feared that one day we would get a call from some police department that little sister had died of an overdose, had been beaten to death by a boyfriend, or whatever. It was an unpleasant and heartbreaking thought, but we were realistic. We prayed that day would never come, and by Spirit's mercy she could get her life together, find self love, get off drugs, and be a good mom for her kids. Little sister had been mostly estranged from her family for months now, and had left the kids for them to care for.

All that came to a tragic close earlier tonight.

My friend and her mom sat watching the evening news when a story ran about Oakland's 75th homicide for the year. The street was where her little sister had been living with her most recent boyfriend. The victim was around little sister's age, and fit little sister's description. I can imagine that they sat, mouths gaping, until my friend found the courage to call the police department. The victim had yet to be ID'd. She explained how the victim sounded like her sister, and gave her name, described her tattoos and physical attributes. The county coroner and police pulled little sister's photo from the DMV and positively ID'd her as the shooting victim, calling my friend back with the tragic news.

They CALLED BACK.

They didn't send a detective or officer.

THEY FUCKING CALLED!!!

I can't bring myself to recount the details of the murder, but to only say that her boyfriend is in custody as the prime suspect. According to what brief news reports I can find on the net, so is the person who called it in to police.

My heart is breaking for my friend, her mom, her brothers, those three beautiful children that I love like my own blood nieces / nephews. I want to go to them and hold them all while they scream and cry and grieve. Loss of life at any age is a sad time. Loss of life with someone so young, that you know could have had happy days ahead, is such a terrible thing there is no accurate human verbiage to adequately explain those emotions.

PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR THIS FAMILY AS THEY GRIEVE FOR THE LOSS OF A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, AND THE MOTHER OF THREE......

Ahhahahaha.... SICK!

2008-07-16T12:00:00.003-04:00

I'll take BAD NEWS for $500, Alex....

2008-07-15T17:50:00.009-04:00

The verdict is in. Yesterday's appointment with the orthopaedic was less than promising. Thanks to 9+ years in high volume, 911 EMS, that has mostly functioned under the "Spawn of Satan" System Status Management... (Grady & Metro), I have purchased my ticket to return to school this Fall.

May I explain the X-Ray...

The more solid chunks are the vertebrae of my lumbar spine. The dark spaces between are the disks. The two disks marked at the top are L2-L3 & L3-L4. The thin sliver is L4-L5. This disk is at 1/3 it's normal size. It has deteriorated. The next disk is L5-S1. It is decorated as well, but not as bad as the one above it. It is also displaced anteriorly (toward the front) leaving the posterior portions of the L5 &S1 vertebrae to grind against each other. Good explanation for the worsening, now debilitating pain I have endured for the last 3 months, for why my legs don't want to work, and for why I have completely collapsed to the floor twice - first time with incontinence (yeah you wanted to hear that, you know you did).

I am sure there a few choice people in this world who will convince themselves that this ordeal is my Karma for all the terrible woes I have inflicted upon them. Sorry to tell you... this started long before I knew EITHER OF YOU. So get over yourselves, really!

GOODBYE AMBULANCE. HELLO CLASSROOM!!!

EWE CAN DO IT.. ( a much anticipated response)

2008-07-15T17:03:00.009-04:00

"It's hard to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person, as the saying goes."

I'M NOT HAVING A BATTLE WITH YOU, MY DEAR. MY WAR HAS BEEN WITH LENYA ALL ALONG. I LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU WHEN YOU STARTED SLUTTING AROUND AND FLIRTING WITH LENYA. I HAD NO USE FOR YOU AFTER THE NIGHT YOU INVITED LENYA OVER TO GET HER DRUNK WHILE I WAS AT WORK. PROBABLY AN ATTEMPT AT SEDUCTION, BUT THEN AGAIN I ONLY HAVE LENYA'S WORD THAT "NOTHING HAPPENED". SEE, HERE IN *LIES* THE PROBLEM (APPROPRIATE PUN). EVERYTHING HAS BEEN BASED ON LENYA'S WORD. AND THAT IS WHERE I MADE MY MISTAKE. I BELIEVED EVERYTHING SHE SAID ABOUT YOU, ABOUT THE RELATIONS BETWEEN YOU TWO, THINGS YOU SUPPOSEDLY SAID ABOUT ME AND DID MALICIOUSLY TO ME, AND HOW MUCH SHE WAS OR WAS NOT INVOLVED IN IT ALL. MAYBE THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE MAKING YOUR MISTAKE TOO. BUT ALAS, THAT WAS SUCH A BITTER PILL FOR ME TO WAKE UP AND SWALLOW ON SUNDAY. IT MAY BE FOR YOU AS WELL.

"Isn't it funny how, when someone is being manipulative, that they lose sight of the fact that most other people don't operate the way they do. Which makes them very transparent; quite the opposite of the slick, quick people they think they are. Their biggest mistake? They don't factor in honesty. See, if you're 'living out loud', being honest about who you are with others, these people are no threat. I have never figured out why they always try to grab the bull and then are surprised when they get the horns. These are the same people who will have the nerve to cry when they get caught doing wrong to try to garner sympathy. Amazing. These are the people who will attack someone- literally and figuratively- and delude themselves into believing that they are justified because of some perceived 'wrong doing'."

FUNNY.... *and* AMAZING... YOU SEEM TO HAVE CAPTURED LENYA SO WELL. IT TOOK A WHILE... BUT I FINALLY CAUGHT ON TO HER GAME. YOU BASE 90% OF YOUR PERCEPTIONS SOLELY ON WHAT LENYA HAS TOLD YOU, TRUE OR NOT.

WHO CALLED *YOU* BEGGING FOR YOUR (APATHETIC) HELP THE DAY SHE WANTED TO COMMIT SUICIDE? I CALLED. IF I WERE SO MANIPULATIVE AND UNCARING, I WOULD HAVE SAID "F-IT" AND LET IT HAPPEN. LENYA IS GOOD AT CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE IS SUCH A VICTIM, BUT SHE IS EVEN BETTER AT CONVINCING OTHERS!!!

BEFORE YOU ACCEPT SOMEONES WORD AS GOSPEL TRUTH... DO SOME DIGGING. I DID. AND THE TRUTH DID NOT LIE WITHIN THE THINGS LENYA SAID, OR PRETENDED TO DO. BUT IT WAS EASILY ENOUGH FOUND.

"And though I have to admit it is a constant source of amusement, question is, how long are you willing to bang your head against the same wall, getting the same results every time?"

I'M SO GLAD THAT MY HARD LESSON LEARNED WITH LENYA HAS BEEN SO AMUSING TO YOU, AND SUCH A SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT. JUST ANOTHER FINE EXAMPLE OF THE CALLOUSED PERSON YOU ARE FOR ENJOYING THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS. I NO LONGER BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS TO THE SAME CONUNDRUM. LENYA PAINTS SUCH A WONDERFUL PICTURE OF ALL THE WRONG I DID HER, WHEN IN FACT I WOULD SIMPLY PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND DECLARE AN END TO WHATEVER BULL$#!+ LENYA WAS PULLING OR SPINNING. JUST BECAUSE I REFUSE TO PLAY HER GAME BY HER RULES... DOES NOT A VICTIM MAKE.

I TOOK THE INITIATIVE AND MADE THE CHANGES I NEEDED TO MAKE TO GUARANTEE "NO MAS" (THAT MEANS "NO MORE" IN SPANISH FOR THOSE LINGUISTICALLY LIMITED).

"At what point does vengeance become masochism?"

HONEY... THERE IS NO NEED FOR VENGEANCE. ONLY TO EXPOSE THE TRUTHS WITHIN ALL THE LIES. AS A FABULOUS FAG FRIEND OF MINE FREQUENTLY EXCLAIMS, "AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE"... (THANK YOU MY GAY BOYS - OH, AND WATCH OUT... SOMEONE IS ON THE HUNT TO HAVE THEIR NEXT TRANSGENDERED AFFAIR WITH A GAY MAN.)

"In the long run you are going to be the one to suffer for your behavior, not your 'targets', because as has already been explained (and you seem to be very slow in 'getting it'!), what you send out into the universe only boomerangs back, building velocity as it goes. I'm guessing you're having to catch a lot of boomerangs."

AGAIN... I HAVE NO TARGETS. BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO TARGET. NO ONE TO TARGET. AND AS FAR AS THOSE BOOMERANGS GO... I MAY HAVE CAUGHT A FEW THROWN BY LENYA, OR AS SHE TELLS IT - THROWN BY YOU. AND THAT IS OK. THERE IS A BIT OF A PRICE TO PAY FOR PLAYING THE GAME. BUT MY PARTICIPATION IN THESE INTRAMURAL SPORTS IS DONE. I HAVE ME DEGREE FROM THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS NOW.

"Well, anyway, simple truth is this: You have no power here. Slink off, pay your debts, admit your wrongs and keep on going."

AND GO I SHALL....

SO I GUESS MY QUESTION IS THIS... ARE WE DONE HERE?

ARE YOU THROUGH BASING *YOUR* VENGEANCE SOLELY ON WHAT HAS BEEN TOLD TO YOU SECOND HAND? OR DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE BALLS TO MAN-UP AND STAND BEHIND YOUR ACTIONS, ADMIT YOUR PARTICIPATION, AND EVENTUALLY MAYBE EVEN DIG FOR YOUR OWN TRUTH? I DO REMEMBER SOME COMMENT A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH STONES AND GLASS HOUSES. DOES THAT APPLY EQUALLY TO EVERYONE - OR JUST THOSE PERCEIVED AS THE *SOLE PROPRIETORS* OF INJUSTICES DURING THIS WHOLE TIRADE? TRULY BE YOUR OWN WOMAN, AND NOT A BLIND SHEEP IN A FLOCK FULL OF LIARS. SEEK IT. IT'S THERE.

WE'VE *ALL* PLAYED THE GAME. WE'VE *ALL* TOOK A FEW HITS. WE'VE *ALL* SUFFERED IN SOME MEANS. I'M READY TO BE DONE WITH IT ALL FOR GOOD.

BUT IF FOLKS CHOOSE TO KEEP UP WITH THE BULL$#!+, NAME CALLING, AND MUD SLINGING... I HAVE AMAZING STAMINA THAT HAS NOT BEEN EXPLORED IN YEARS, AND LOTS OF FREE TIME ON MY HANDS THESE DAYS.

OH... AND ABOUT ALL THAT FREE TIME. I LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP IN THAT ARENA. IT SEEMS TO BE JUST THE Rx FOR REST AND RELAXATION. WHAT A BLESSING IN DISGUISE!!! BUT DON'T THEY ALL USUALLY ARRIVE THAT WAY?

I THINK THAT MY TIME IS BETTER DIRECTED TO ~*MOVING ON*~!!! MAYBE SOMETHING YOU SHOULD CONSIDER AS WELL. JUST A SUGGESTION.

GIGGLING LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL....

2008-05-03T10:44:00.008-04:00

I have been delighted as hell to learn a hillarious piece of gossip from my partner. BTGG (big tits gossip girl) is an incredible gossip hound. Most of the time it is annoying as hell, because for the most part - I JUST DON'T CARE about the details of other co-worker's and collegue's drama. However..... BTGG is still friends with my ex-partner. Ya know... the one who tried like hell to get me fired, before I RESIGNED.

SIDEBAR - MESSAGE FOR FORMER PARTNER: Yes ass clown - r.e.s.i.g.n.e.d - as in --I QUIT. You did not get me fired. So you really need to stop telling every EMS provider in Atlanta this bullshit. It is getting old. And before too long, it's gonna build up to a serious ass whoopin. Gnosh that over, you pretentious prick!!!

Oh, back to the comic relief. BTGG got off the phone with ex-partner late last Thursday night just to break this news... ASS CLOWN GOT REPRIMANDED!!!

IT GETS BETTER! ASS CLOWN GOT REPRIMANDED FOR HIS MOOSE-KNUCKLE!!!

It seems as though several co-workers and patients got really tired of looking at his himmy-hoos all crammed up in the crotch of his work pants. After packin on the pounds in the last year or two, his work pants were waaaayyy too tight. SO HE ACTUALLY GOT REPRIMANDED BY SUPERVISORS FOR BEING TOO BIG FOR HIS BRITCHES!

I'm a big girl. So, I am not making fun of fatness. I am laughin my ass off at the fact that my ex-partner can afford a quarter million dollar home in East Cobb, yet he won't take is penny pinching tight ass out and spend $150 on a few pairs of work pants.

GO BUY SOME NEW BDU's YOU CHEAP BASTARD!!! HAHAHA!!

GRADY EMS FUNDING IS CUT JUNE 30!!!

2008-03-27T00:58:00.006-04:00

Feel free to brouse the article from Channel 11 News regarding Fulton County cutting their funding for Grady EMS. And you know I posted a response on their blog!!!

* * * * * * * A R T I C L E * * * * * * *

Atlanta Ambulances Face Cutbacks
Web Editor: Jon Shirek 11-Alive NEWS
Last Modified: 3/14/2008 9:22:40 PM

Anyone who is in the City of Atlanta after June 30 and has a heart attack or is injured in a car wreck, or has some other life-threatening emergency, may have to wait more than 30 minutes for a life-saving EMS crew to arrive.

That's the warning contained in a report that Grady EMS is circulating among city of Atlanta councilmembers and employees of the Mayor's office.Councilmembers reviewed the report Friday at their semi-annual, work-session retreat.On June 30, Grady EMS will lose its contract with Fulton County to provide ambulance services in the city of Atlanta. Fulton County decided in November that it could no longer afford the $10 million a year that it costs to provide ambulance services in all of the county's municipalities. Nearly $7 million of that has been going to Grady EMS to respond to emergencies in the city of Atlanta.Council members had already been discussing at their retreat how to deal with the looming budget shortfall of about $65 million to $70 million, and whether layoffs or service cuts and tax hikes might be necessary to balance the budget. Then, on Friday, at the end of the retreat, Council President Lisa Borders brought up the Grady EMS "impact report" that describes what could happen if the council does not come up with nearly $7 million a year, and contract with either Grady EMS or some other EMS provider, to replace the emergency services Fulton County had been paying for.

"The impact would be dire," Borders said.According to Kevin Sullivan, the Deputy Chief of Grady EMS, "It is likely that response times to life-threatening emergencies will exceed 30 minutes."Sullivan said in his report, "A reduction of $6.7 million [that Fulton County had been paying Grady EMS] will lead to an inadequate number of ambulances on the street" because that amount of money accounts for one-third of his budget, and he would have to cut field staff. "We estimate that there will be fewer than 4 ambulances on stand-by for the entire city 98.7% of the time, and there will be no ambulances available for stand-by across the entire city 88% of the time."

"Clearly, emergency medical services are, in fact, a fundamental need of the community," Borders told 11Alive News on Friday. "So we want to be able to offer those in the best, possible way, the most efficient, but best, way we can."Councilmembers, though, point out that there is nothing in the City Charter requiring the city to provide ambulance services."We've presented them with an impact study," Sullivan said, but "there has been no committment from the mayor or anyone else in the city, yet, on whether the city will take it over."

Sullivan said that in 2007, Grady EMS responded to nearly 100,000 emergency calls in the city of Atlanta.Borders said the council will wait for the Mayor to propose a solution, and a budget for the solution. Then the council will act.Friday afternoon, a spokeswoman for the Mayor emailed a statment to 11Alive News: "According to our Chief Operating Officer, Greg Giornelli, 'We are still exploring the situation and looking at our obligations and will determine at that point what the right thing to do is.'"

* * * * * * * M Y B L O G R E S P O N S E * * * * * * *
Grady EMS has tightened the noose around the necks of their field medics over the last few years, completely disolved the since of morale and fellowship. All in the name of "cost reduction" and "performance improvement".

The organization has had a 5+year witch hunt that has cost them dozens of medics who could easily rank the best in the country. Give them squallor to work in, pay them poorly. and dump in tons of constant abuse from ungrateful patients and public alike... and A+ medics will turn sour and give you a reason to let them go.

I have argued unsuccessfully that it is not about timestamps and statistics but the quality of care you provide to patients in need, as well as how you treat your employees. For Grady EMS to be better all the way around they need DOUBLE the budget they *were* getting to buy new rigs, new gear, hire more employees, FIND NEW MANAGEMENT, and up staffing 25% to provide the GREAT CARE AND CUSTOMER SERVICE any city deserves.

When someone's life is in your hands, you can't be rushed to make quotas and statistics. Give the field medics all the opportunity they need to do the job RIGHT!!!

--Signed, FORMER A+ MEDIC TURNED SOUR
(Thanks Grady)

p.s.: On behalf of all our soured medics, might I add... KARMA IS A BITCH YALL

BORN AGAIN (Paramedic) - Re-Baptism By FIRE

2008-01-07T09:54:00.003-05:00

I have actually found some much needed peace during my sabbatical over the last few months. Translation: By accepting a short lived job at Slacker EMS, running hand-me-down totes and nursing home sniffles, I shrugged off my shit-magnetism.... for a while.

I have done nothing but sing the praises about the new job with Grady Jr. EMS, the wonderful work conditions, nice trucks and equipment, friendly and caring staff and management, etcetera. I found my first few shifts after being released were being jammed into holes in the schedule until my permanent position officially opened on Jan 4. Nothing unusual for EMS really. I was slotted to work with the Fulton/Dekalb division based just outside of downtown Atlanta for my first few shifts. This division handles all the hospital contracts for Emory Healthcare (Emory University Hospital, Emory Crawford Long, and all the Emory Geriatric facilities around the university campus), Dekalb's main hospital, Dekalb's Hillindale campus, and Atlanta Medical Center (the OTHER trauma center in Atlanta). A good portion of their day is filled with discharges off the floors and from the ERs, going to the Emory Geriatric facilities, local nursing homes, or hospice centers. Then there are the "other" runs.

Of the numerous ambulances based here, there are two types of units. Double EMT units which do non-emergent stable patient discharges, and Paramedic led Advanced Life Support units which are available for Critical Care transfers and also handle NET transfers of vent patients. Stab ONE with the HOT BRANDING IRON. Guess which units I worked! Critical Care.

Mind you, I am not afraid of a good challenge. But over the years, Critical Care for me has been yanking up a 911 patient who is in some dire emergency and hauling ass to an ER with no transfer time longer than 15 minutes tops, throwing on appropriate oxygen delivery, starting IV's, dosing first-line medication boluses, and all in all having them in a considerably better shape than which they presented themselves to begin with.

Oh no, not that easy. Not too far into my first shift, we were called to transfer a vent patient from one ER that NEVER NEVER NEVER has Neurology services, over to Emory University. Subject one was a middle aged male who blew the big one and had a head bleed. He was unresponsive when 911 arrived, obviously stroked out (uh did a history of un-managed hypertension tell the dumb-shit medics anything?), and had to be intubated. Said ER had patient on a vent, slathered with Nitro Paste to "control" his hypertensive crisis blood pressure of 250+, IV's in place, and here we were taking him to the ER he should have went to in the beginning.

GAWD I HATE DUMBASS MEDICS WHO DON'T ADVOCATE FOR THEIR PATIENT BY INSISTING ON THE MOST APPROPRIATE DESTINATION FOR THE SITUATION!!!!! ARGHHH!

I've never operated a portable ventilator system, so the supervisor had to meet us at this ER and ride in with me. This poor patient was in a world of shit, and bless his heart, didn't know how bad he had it. Didn't really get much of an instruction or in-service on the vent, but I did learn just how involved these Critical Care calls really are, and boy did I quickly develop respect for CCEMTP's!!! Every day on that unit yielded a vent patient. So I am waiting anxiously for the next vent class. I am sure the supervisors are too. :-)

Then comes my first day on a 911 truck in Cobb county. Mind you this is not my regular schedule yet, but a taste of what is to come, and a chance to see my territory in daylight to learn my way around a bit. Our first run was not too bad. A 5 year old at the local ER with Appendicitis. Again... shoulda went to the Children's Hospital to begin with. But alas, if it weren't for dumb-shits (medics and regular citizens), we would not have job security. As we returned to the county, we settled into our posting area. It didn't take but maybe 30 minutes before the phones lit up and calls were going out everywhere. And then ours. CARDIAC ARREST. --Freaking Great! Did I mention that I was riding with Timid EMT today?

Allow me to explain why most medics I know detest Cardiac Arrests. Statistically speaking, say we respond to 100 arrest patients. Of those, maybe 10 are even good candidates for resuscitation efforts. Most are elderly, frail, multiple illness or end stage illness kinda patients. For the handful that remain, patients who might have been viable are denied a good chance of survival because of the lack of good bystander CPR.... or the FIRE DEPARTMENT GETS THEM FIRST. Do we do it anyway? Sure. Practice is never a bad thing. One day it WILL count!

Viability aside, cardiac arrests are MESSY. MESSY AS HELL. Intubation usually yields vomitus and/or suctioning. You start IV's and push drugs. Wrappers and boxes are strewn from one end of the bus to the other. In the chaos you drop needles and sharps and have to rummage through said garbage to find those - BEFORE you clean or touch anything. Once the truck is clean again, here comes the restocking: ET tubes, stylettes, blades, handle, combi-tube, BVM, tube holder, suction canister, suction tubing, Yaunkeurs tip or soft cath suction, backboard and straps, c-collars. Drugs, drugs, drugs. Signatures for this and that, and inventory before you can seal the box and send it off to be restocked and get a new one.

So I was already cringing at the thought of my first bonafide 911 call at the new job being a cardiac arrest. We arrive just behind the rescue and engine. Please call a DOA, please call a DOA. I headed for the door of this beautiful half million dollar home, just to be waved off by the fireman. Wait. Was this backwards? Hey, I'm usually the one waving off the fireman. Just to be sure the squirrels have all their nuts in a stack, I go on in and discovered a bloody mess. Literally. The deceased was an elderly patient, terminal metastatic throat cancer, who had ruptured some major vasculature, and whilst seeking out someone for help in their final moments, had blown a fountain of blood through their trach / stoma across the entire lower floor of this gorgeous home before collapsing in a pool of blood in the den. Wow. Impressive.

In trying to calm the deceased's frantic panicked daughter, in trots Timid EMT telling me that we have another call to go to, that the fire department is handling this one. Off we go to an insurance seminar on the freeway. We arrive to find the fire department appropriately obtaining signatures for refusals. Sweet! Back to post we go. I settle down with my lunch box and savor my turkey sandwich, chips, pudding cup, and mandarin oranges in their entirety. I actually managed to consume a full meal? Just the quiet before the storm. Always.

The next call out... CARDIAC ARREST! You gotta be shittin me! Sure enough. Smack in the middle of an industrial area, a warehouse that has been converted into a large equipment and diesel repair garage. We slide across 20 yards of parking area, six inches deep in mud, to find rescue pumping away on this poor mechanic who is as blue as a smurf's nutsack. I turn to the buddies who called and asked how long ago he'd collapsed. Their reply: "Been about 45 minutes or more. We thought he was jokin at first, but when we couldn't get him back up we realized he needed CPR"

God bless their hearts. They'd been doing bystander CPR for nearly an hour. I looked at the firemen and told them to continue BLS / CPR until I could get med control on the phone to terminate the code. Nope. They refused. While on hold for the doc, they started a line and pushed EPI. HE'S BLUE FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! WILL YOU STOP THAT SILLY SHIT!!! Damn Rescue Randy's!!! "Atropine's down" WHAT? Oh nevermind. We worked the code.

An onscene time of 15+ minutes to get this guy boarded and carried over engine blocks and grease buckets, and across the U of A football field to the truck. By the Grace of Gawd the bystander CPR prevented his blood from coagulating and the bastards actually had a patent flowing line of saline. So I felt there was no need to make the pumperheads look bad by intubating with an ET tube... they already missed two. I dropped a combi-tube and bagged em all the way to the ER. Fire continued the asystole protocol (go figure on that rhythm) dropped drugs, defibrillated whatever electricity those drugs stirred up, and pumped their till their hearts were content. Exactly 1.3 minutes after arrival, the ER attending called the code, and ole boy was DRT. Dead Right Thare - Just like he was before the Fire Department tried to yank him back from the light.

While wrestling with this nightmare of documentation on these new fangled ToughBook Laptop PC's METRO uses, an OD went out a couple of miles down the road. The responding unit was going to pass the ER to get there, so I told Timid EMT to take the call. Off we went to snatch another poor soul from the grip of death.

As I confirmed the address in my handy lil GPS (named Emily), we arrived at a cemetery. You gotta be kiddin me! Nope! Graveside services in progress, pops stopped breathing. We found our patient to be a rather large man in a wheelchair, HUGELY swollen legs full of edema and probably a nifty case of incurable cellulitis. The very handsome son, in his Marine Corps Class A's, tells me that his dad has OD'd a few times now, taking his pain meds for those really painful legs, and being in an altered state from the narcs forgets his prior dose of meds and takes more, until... BAM. RESPIRATORY ARREST. Imagine that!

Sure enough. Pops wasn't breathing. The firemen started ventilating the patient with a BVM, and somehow (dunno how) his gag reflex was still intact and he nearly choked up the oral airway. No intubation for you buddy. I grabbed IV supplies and immediately popped a line in him and looked up at Timid EMT and said. Get me some Narcan. Timid EMT shat himself. NARCAN PLEASE!!! Off he strolls to the drug box, and returns with 2mg of prefilled Narcan. Nice slow IV push. Don't want an ass beatin today. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. No response. Next thought is massive stroke. Just as I tell the firemen to gather pops up and we lay hands on him to hurl him from wheelchair to stretcher, he suddenly draws in the deep raspy breath and looks me square in the eye and said, "what in the hell are you doin to me?" Oh, goodie. I was dreading lifting your 300 lb swollen ass outta that wheelchair.

"Sir, can you please help us get you on the stretcher?"
"Why?"
"Cuz you took too many of your pain pills and you need to see the doctor"
"No I didn't"
"I think you did"
"No, the hell I didn't"

This exchange could have gone on forever, but Handsome Marine (potential BabyDaddy?) intervened and for a couple of minutes there was a Jerry Springer-esque exchange of cursing and threats. Finally pops gave in and agreed to go. We loaded him into the truck and started back to the ER we had left only minutes ago. He suddenly became less responsive, and within seconds... bad news... respiratory arrest again. As I go for the second round of Narcan, I am being a good girl and call in on the radio with report, asking nicely for the second dose (which he was gonna get anyway). Somewhere in the broken and static filled message I heard *intubate* and *support respirations* What part of intact gag reflex did you not hear? Oh well. Second round of Narcan in.

Pops awoke and started breathing again as we rolled through the sliding doors of the ER and into the trauma/critical care/oil change bay. "Won't give orders for nothing" Attending MD spouts off with "guess he didn't need more narcan or intubating after all." Um yeah... whatever. Sign here please.

Needless to say the rest of my shift was filled with restocking and cleaning, chain smoking, and grunting at the Toughbook and documentation software.

Thus far, I have had a middle aged guy with sudden onset dizziness and visual disturbance. Plood Pressure? 260/140. HE went to a neuro capable ER, just in case the radiator hose blew.

Then there was the overturned mazda truck that was being operated by a less than capable intoxicated driver at 1am. He struck the concrete abutment of a bridge at about 50 mpg, flipped along the two lane bridge several times, rupturing a 4 inch water main, and coming to rest on a gas main. He was unconscious per residents who heard the crash and ran out to see the spectacle, but regained consciousness before rescue got there. He self extricated and sat down next to that gas main the truck was resting on. Rescue was staring at him we arrived. No collar, no board. Sitting on gas main. BRILLIANT! We rapidly placed him in a collar and on a board. When I cut his clothes off in the truck I found a tattooed and distended upper belly, rigid over the liver. EVEN BETTER. Emergency to Atlanta Medical Center Please!!!

Last night's emergency was a 40 year old junky with very symptomatic chest pain, hypertensive at 190/100, history of CABG, AICD, CHF, and NO IV ACCESS. O2, 324mg of aspirin, nitro sprays, 12-lead, and DIESEL!

BAPTISM BY FIRE. Thanks Hunny. My SHIT-MAGNETISM is in full swing again.

Baptism By FIRE.... the early days

2007-12-31T09:12:00.001-05:00

Just last week, Hunny and I were discussing our early experiences in EMS. I had shared my experiences with my first "tote" job. Crazy Family Drama EMS. The company is known in the Metro-Atlanta EMS community for their surprising longevity, and the fact that they had had some of the worst contracts ever. Most local "old-heads" got their start there. I guess I fall into that category. The current opinion is if you survived 5+ years at Grady EMS these days you've earned your "old head" badge.

When I worked for CFD EMS, their primary money maker contract was with Grady Hospital, to take home all discharges off the floor that were true "bed-bound" stretcher patients: paraplegics, quadriplegics, contractured stroke survivors, amputees, etc. They also did ALL the ER discharges. Sure, there were the true bed-bound patients. But you also did a fair share of providing taxi service for lazy healthy and/or youthful adults... ambulatory folks who refused to cough up $1.75 in transit fare to get home, medicaid recipients who already had ran up an unnecessary $400 ambulance bill for their stomach flu symptoms and didn't wanna call babydaddy to give them a ride home, and the indigent un-bathed homeless folks needing a cab ride over to which ever shelter the social worker had conned into accepting them at 2am... you name it.

A bad spot to be caught in was ending up somewhere close to Grady around 10 am when the oncology floor began their daily ship out of a dozen or so cancer patients needing EMS transfer to the radiology clinic two blocks down the street for their treatments. It would be nonstop all morning and afternoon. Go to the floor and get patient A, take them to the clinic and leave them on the table for treatment, rush back over to the hospital and get patient B. Leave patient B and take patient A back to the floor and get patient C. See the pattern here? The non-stop "Radiation Shuffle" could occupy the better part of 4+ hours to shuffle these dozen or so patients back and fourth. No, there was no time to grab lunch in this disaster of air traffic control. That was the shitty part of it.

The one good that came from this mess was that I quickly learned the city, and really learned the Grady EMS response territory inside and out. I was well prepared to drive a Grady Ambulance, rarely needing a map book in the 7 years I worked there. I simply don't understand EMT's with 5+ years at Grady who never remember frequent flyer pickup locations and busy neighborhoods.

The other aspect of working for CFD EMS, was that 75% of their daytime business was medicare dialysis transports from all over the 5 county metro-Atlanta area. These were often some really sick folks. Many times they would get to the dialysis clinic only to be deemed too sick to do their treatment, and we were called right back out to transfer the hypertensive bradycardic pulmonary edema patient to the ER for stabilization.

Herein lies my "Baptism By Fire" as Hunny labeled it. I often worked the day half of my 24 hour shift with a lazy ass burnt out medic and RRT (respiratory tech) we will call Harry. Harry was all of 5 feet 3 inches, and weighed a buck twenty at best. For so long I thought Harry had the most severe case of Napoleon Syndrome I'd ever witnessed. He was always hyper-agitated, hyper-aggressive, and hyper-anxious. He often cursed out nurses and hospital staffers, and was a total jackass to family members and co-workers. AND he was lazy.

All those SICK dialysis patients got pawned off on me, a super-green EMT with wet ink still on her card. I learned quickly how to run EKGs, give breathing treatments, and give Lasix to dialysis patients. Yes I said give breathing treatments and Lasix to dialysis patients. Not only was that beyond my scope of practice, but I was being directed to treat patients with medications that were usually inappropriate and often futile for their history and current conditions. Lasix works on the kidneys. Dialysis patients often have little or no kidney function. So this was a waste of drugs. Secondly dumping breathing treatments on patients who were already oxygen starved and short of breathe didn't really help their heart's demand for oxygen to keep the heart tissues nourished.

Crazy Family Drama EMS was a sink or swim experience for me. It taught me a lot, good and bad. There for, as Hunny pointed out... it was my Baptism By Fire.

Only a few weeks after I left CFD EMS did I find an answer to all his behavioral issues. HE WAS COKED OUT!!! Apparently he went ape shit one morning before shift because he had lost his keys at the station. He refused to go inservice without those keys. The owner even offered to pay for a lock-doc to come during the day and unlock his truck encase they were in there. Finally he bowed out and went to work. Later in the day someone found his keys, complete with a vial of cocaine neatly linked to his keys by a chain. Um.... YEAH. That explained A LOT!

I QUICKLY DEVELOPED THE MINDSET OF WHAT KIND OF MEDIC I DIDN'T EVER WANT TO BE: lazy, irresponsible, slack-skilled, uneducated, jackass. Between Harry, and the first couple of shitty skilled medics I got partnered with at Grady, I quickly developed an appetite to learn my scope of practice, have good skills, and (sometimes to a fault) be very demanding of perfection. My underlying OCD reared its ugly head and peaked when I hit Paramedic school. My opinion is that OCD and demand for perfection can only make you the best medic possible when it comes to competent patient care and documentation. CQI/QA will back me up here. That can only be in your patient's favor. Unfortunately if your partner doesn't share your concept, it will quickly become sand in their panties!!! Especially when in your partner's first quarter of paramedic school, they already know more than your established attending physician **A-hem**

So with all that said, I think I became a better medic for it. I have an unequaled demand for my patients advocacy, care, and transfer of care to a competent and appropriate facility for whatever ails them. Heart attacks don't go to a non-cathlab hospital. High mechanism traumas go to Atlanta Medical Center, or Grady (on Emory days). Strokes go to Neuro-capable ERs. No one can ever say any patient of mine suffered for it. Partners... well, that is obviously a different story.

NEW JOB....

2007-12-16T21:12:00.001-05:00

NEW JOB - Grady Jr. EMS

I spent Monday (12-10-07) through Friday (12-14-07) doing the typical classroom orientation stuff. How GJ-EMS got it's start, how it's grown, benefits, training and CEU programs *a lot of CEU's ONLINE - yippie*, Toughbook's and touchpoint PCR software, road safety / CEVO, HIPPA, etc.I was definitely impressed with their "employees are our most valuable asset" concept: meaning that if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. They eat it, breathe it, sleep it, poop it, and maybe even brand it on your ass when you get released from orientation. But it's true. Basically they believe that if they meet (actually, most often exceed) the expectations of how the employees want to be treated, perks, nice equipment, comprehensive training, new (and actually functioning) technology, etc... that we will be more productive, nicer to colleagues, patients, and the public, less likely to burnout, less likely to climb a tower in Smyrna and start taking pop-shots at cars on 285, you get the picture. I like that. Actually from what little I have had the chance to observe, I see it in full action. The employees ARE HAPPY, NICE, and so far even seem competent. It is a 180 from Grady EMS. THAT, I LIKE.

Example one: On day three of class, my hunny went to the orthopaedic who is treating the ever persistant back injury. Doc said it's time to try Cortisone epidurals. Before I even knew what day it was gonna be scheduled, I asked the Ops Manager (sooo unlike his Grady EMS counterpart "Dragon Lady, head of the Grady Gestapo") what our third ride schedule was going to look like so I might plan to be off for the procedure. He tells me to go ahead and schedule the procedure and they will work around it. Say what? That shit would never have happened at Grady. The Grady mentality was screw you, screw your family. You work around OUR needs, not yours or theirs! Off the bat - I'm impressed.

I did my first third ride yesterday. Obviously since I've been around the ambulance a few times, my FTO asked me what *I* needed to work on to feel more comfortable to transition to GJ-EMS. I answered honestly that I was very inexperienced (intimidated) with the laptop and the PCR software. He immediately designated THAT as my main task for the day... to write all the PCR's for all the trips.

The mind blower came with our final call of the day. We responded to a vehicle that may have hydroplaned sideways on a 4-lane and was struck at high speed t-boned in the passenger door. Lucky for that car it was a single occupant, because there was nearly two feet of intrusion damage to the passenger side. She did not walk away unscathed though. She had a positive loss of consciousness and kept asking repetitive questions all the way to the trauma center. Probably a nasty concussion, not to dismiss a more serious brain injury is also to be considered. But what amazed me was Cobb Fire. Their rescue unit was already on scene, the patient was in a collar, c-spine being held, a full assessment had been performed, an IV started, and they were just waiting on the transport unit to arrive before pulling her out and back-boarding her in the downpour. Once we arrived the tented a tarp over the work area keeping us all dry as we worked as a TEAM to get her immobilized and into the ambulance. TEAMWORK! Smooth as glass teamwork!

I think I am gonna like it here!

My day, yesterday

2007-11-30T08:50:00.001-05:00

My day, yesterday

I awoke at the usual 5:30am to get dressed and ready for my almost two hour rush-hour commute to Alpharetta. Upon arriving at work at 7:59, my partner was yet in the office, so I set myself busy to ready us for the day ahead. Mike, co-owner and C.O.O. of the company (of 5 full time employees) calls me into his office.

I will simply sumarize my feelings as this: My intolerance for incompetance, drama, bullshit, unsafe work conditions, and unreliable paychecks, along with my feelings that the newbie EMT's skills should be nurtured and honed, and demand for partners who actually bathe regularly - did not set well with management. I was branded as a boat rocker, and trouble maker with a bad attitude. While all my EMT partners told me just how much they liked working with me, learned things from me, and agreed with my views on company operations, management told me repeatedly over the last week just how much no one wants to work with me.

So either management's view on me was grossly exagerated, or all the EMT's I worked with were liars. I'd like to hope it was the first and not the later. I really liked my EMT's. They were still fresh, starry-eyed, save the world EMT's, and not bitter jaded EMS employees that places like Grady eventually turn out. I wish them the best of luck, and hope they actually do find a way to change or save the world some day. I never did.

As for management, they now have no full time Paramedic to staff their only ALS unit. Only a couple of FireMedics who work a day here and a day there, because this was not their "real job" as they have put it.

I spent the better part of the day applying online for nearly 20 various clinical positions around Metro Atlanta that a Paramedic could fill, all along hoping that the Blackeye I carry from Grady won't keep me from being considered.

Only at Grady..... Another Sumdood Sighting

2007-10-05T03:37:00.001-04:00

Lenya is working tonight (at Grady) with a reputable Class Ten Shit Magnet named Shawn Moore. Shawn is the kind of Shit Magnet who has two cardiac arrests back to back followed by a couple of critical traumas, ending the night with a decompensating CHF'er that gets intubated. That's his daily norm. Always has been.

Tonight beats all I have ever heard. Sumdood strikes again!!! Shawn was mugged outside the CNN center by a crackhead. For his radio. Not an I-Pod or other portable entertainment device. His DISPATCH RADIO.

It wasn't long before the thief was talking in Spanglish over the dispatch frequency. APD, EMS, and Park Police followed the sounds of the radio communications, and said crackhead was found by Lenya and the shift supervisor hanging out near the bushes over in Centinnial Olympic Park where he was tackled and subdued, and held at MagLight point until poe-poe could put him in handcuffs.

His story: Shawn "sold" him the radio. Uh-huh. Sure.

Sumdood seems to have shapeshifted away again, leaving a dazed and arrested crackhead to take his heat. ONLY AT GRADY!!!

The Kidnapping of Lucy

2007-09-26T19:48:00.001-04:00

I had a late arrival home last night. 11:30 give or take a few minutes. As usual, I backed my crappy Kia into the space designated to my townhouse with a faded #13 painted on the asphalt. My eyesore of a car, currently missing the left rear door window (temporarily patched by an industrial sized black garbage bag), shared a single space with Lucy. Lord knows I have had enough pissy ass neighbors bitching about my household owning three vehicles and where we park them. Lucy was all snug in her parking place last night when I arrived home.

Who is Lucy? Lucy was my 2005 Honda Shadow Aero 750 motorcycle. She was practically the one remaining material thing from my 4+ year relationship with Candice. A nice stretched frammed classic styled fat fendered cruiser, painted brugundy, with a suprisingly appealing factory chrome package. Lucy saw me through a nasty divorce, an even more ugly rebound, and all the follies associated with Jordan. She has carried me on the 2005 Trail of Tears ride, and on a more fond note carried Lenya and I on our first breakfast date.

I awoke this morning with the intension of running out for breakfast while Lenya was on her way home from work, just to meet her back at the house with fresh biscuits. To my complete and total devistation..... Lucy was gone. Someone had taken her during the night. Despite the sudden realization that I still have $4700 left on the note, I was completely overwhelmed by anger and rage.... AND sadness.

Today, I lost a friend. I wish Lucy would come home. :-(

My Aunt's Touching Words

2007-09-13T17:31:00.001-04:00

My Aunt Shirley is pushing mmm I'd say 65-66 years old. She won't actually admit to me just how much older she is to my dad - who is 62 this year. Bless her heart, she gets on AOL and sends e-mails, forwards jokes, and occasionally has been known to IM. Not bad for a lady her age with no formal education. I am honestly impressed with her eagerness to keep up with friends and family by way of ye ole internet. So I sent her the links to my blog here, honestly because she has been digging at why I no longer work at Grady. Last night when I read my e-mail I got this touching reply:

"What a wonderful touching e-mail about 9=11 (she addresses me by my family nickname that I will NOT share with you schmoes) you have a wonderful way of writing have you found a job? Im sure what ever you did at Grady it was good Im sure you got tired of all the people who used the hospital for a doctor office instead of going to the dr.But the job you are trained for is important I wish we had got someone who cared and knew their job as much as you do when we called for help for Wayne (my uncle) he might have had a chance and still be here Talk later aunt shirley"

I am thrilled that someone in my dad's family thought so highly of the job I chose, and has so much faith in me. Certainly more sentiment about it all than my dad ever chose to share. None the less, her comments touched me deeply.

SUMDOOD Strikes Again

2007-09-11T18:57:00.002-04:00

Alternate Title: Straw... Meet Camel!

23:05
Dispatch: "7262 prepair to copy."
Former Grady Medic: "262 go ahead"
Mouthy Renegade Partner: "Fuck Me! We get off in ten fuckin minutes!"
Dispatch: "Respond to blah blah blah Peachtree Street, Hyatt Regency, Difficulty Breathing. Stand by..... Text advises your subject will be across the street, at the liquor store. Be advised your 78 will be a black male, wearing all blue, and a straw hat."
MRP: "Oh great. Some drunk-ass rooter at the liquor store. Bet he wants to go to Piedmont to sober up and have a place to sleep it off."
FGM: "We'll see if he'll go to Grady. Just grab and go. Me and (Starry-Eyed Intern) will treat 'em on the way in."

(pulling up to liquor store opposite to the Hyatt)
MRP: "I don't see 'em"
FGM: "Leave the lights goin so he can see us."
*Just incase he is deaf and couldn't hear all the sirens blaring*
Starry-Eyed Intern: "Wadda we got?"
MRP: "Just Some Dude, drunk at the liquor store"
*Oh Jesus, it's Sumdood. Ambulance Driver has been warning us about him for months now. Could he have really relocated himself to Atlanta to reorganize, and plan a whole new batch of dastardly deeds? AD says he has super mystical powers beyond all human comprehension. Ready your defenses!*
FGM: "I'll see if he is inside"
*any other time I'd be fired for hanging out in a liquor store in uniform*
(walking inside liquor store and announcing our already obvious presence)
FGM: "Did anyone call 911? Does anyone need an amalance?"
*dramatic pause, waiting on every customer as a whole to respond in three part harmony their desire to enter alcohol rehab at 23:00 hours on a Friday -- NO RESPONSE, thank gawd*
(returning to the seizure inducing LED and strobe lit ambulance, firmly held in place by MRP and SEI leaned against the cab)
FGM: "He ain't in there. My radio is dead, you call it in."
*Probably some do-gooder cellphone samaratin' callin for Sumdood passed out on the sidewalk*
MRP: "He's gone. Time to go home.... 262 to Radio"
Dispatch: "262 go ahead"

Sumdood: *sprinting down the sidewalk*
"Hey! HEY! WHERE THE FUCK YA'LL GOIN?!?!"
*Oh yeah, I can tell already he has level one BS respiratory distress*
FGM: "Sorry man, thought you'd left. What's goin' on tonight?"
Sumdood: "My knee hurts"
*Did I loose my mind, or did our "new and improved dispatch" send this out as respiratory distress?*
FGM: "Is anything else bothering you?"
Sumdood: "What da fuck that mean?"
*obviously his airway is intact*
FGM: "Our dispatcher said you had other problems, just wanna' make sure you're a-ok"
Sumdood: "Whatever, lady, them people on da phone wuz trippin. Look, my leg hurtin' like hell!"
*and he AIN'T having no problems breathing if he is yellin' like that*
MRP: "What's goin on with your leg?"
Sumdood: "It fuckin hurts, man. I dunno what's wrong wit it. Dat's what I call' you fo!"
(complete with excessive and aggressive gesturing)
FGM: "Well tell us about your leg... did you twist it? Did you fall on it? Did somebody jump you?"
Sumdood: "Fuck dis shit, man! I done answered all dis shit on da phone! Why ya'll fuckin' trippin too?"
FGM: "Look, if you don't answer our questions we have no idea what is wrong with your leg, we can't do anything about it, we can't write a report, and we can't tell the doctor anything about you to get you seen. You gotta' chill out and let us do our job. Why won't you let us check you out?"
MRP: "We can't do anything with you yellin' and actin' a fool"
*Oh that's great. Piss 'em off even more. I'm puttin your ass in the back with him*
Sumdood: "I ain't stupid. I am an educated man!"
(shuffling around, anxious, restless, aggressive)
*Bet he's probably tachycardic with some pupillary constriction too. Certainly in need of some calming chemicals... valium would be a good start*
FGM: "Sir, no one said you were stupid. Why don't we take you to Crawford Long? It's just down the street, right around the corner. When you get done, it's close enough, you can walk back or catch a cab. You just gotta decide what you want us to do for you."
SEI: "Man, they can't do anything with you unless you cooperate, settle down, and answer their questions"
FGM: "So, will you tell us about your leg?"
Sumdood: "Yo, fuck you crazy white mothafuckas"
(flipping the bird with both hands, and giving us "the hand" as he strode off hasitly down the side walk on Baker St.)
FGM to SEI: "And that behavior is why you go with your gut instincts, if they are acting all wierd and aggressive, you certainly don't wanna lock yourself in the back of the rig until they chill out, you can bet that there is a big chance they will get violent"
MRP: "262 Radio"
Dispatch: "262 go ahead"
MRP: "Be advised... Farmer John has flown the coop. Patient was belligerant with EMS and walked away cursing"
Dispatch: "10-4 on the respiratory distress that walked away"

(driving away from scene)
MRP: "Look there he is, already a block away!"
(Sumdood is still cursing EMS. walking back toward liquor store)
Sumdood: "Fuck you, ya fat dyke bitch!!!"
*I wish I had a dollar for everytime some jackass said that*
Dispatch: "7262... You are clear for end of shift"
MRP: "Let's go home!"
(hitting the block, Sumdood is back around on Peachtree Street now, jumping up and down screaming at the ambulance. Doesn't seem like he recognizes us until we are directly in front of him and he starts screaming racial slurrs again)
FGM: "Now ain't that some shit! Lemmie get this freakin report wrote before we get back to the house. You'd better call the supervisors and let 'em know about this guy, my radio is dead."
MRP: "Those two are probably off in their love nest somewhere. If one stops suddenly the other one' s head would be stuck up the other one's ass"
FGM: "ahhhhahhhahhhhahhhahhhhhh"

*(*)*--*(*)*--*(*)*--*(*)*--*(*)*--*(*)*--*(*)*

Apparently, Sumdood called 911 later in the evening and was treated by another crew. What I was told officially was that Sumdood complained that we were rude, flipped HIM off, and used racial slurrs towards HIM. What they did not tell me was that all written accounts DID confirm that Sumdood was belligerant, uncooperative, and aggressive. Verbal interviews were documented by supervisors to indicate that MRP sold me out saying that in his opinion my repetitive questions to the caller were in a manner to intentionally aggravate the patient. SEI's limited view through a 6 inch peephole into the cab of the truck allowed him to formulate the opinion that I was laughing at Sumdood rather than our sarcastic comments towards night supervisors that are always riding together rather than apart (making them less available to crews).

Unofficially, the word is that Sumdood may have assaulted the Paramedic that transported him, and was charged with felony assault. And said medic couild have been in Cardiac Ops all night after being kicked in the chest by Sumdood.

Being that these types of calls are increasing in frequency, more and more medics are ending up in the ER after being assaulted and injured. Supervision and administration's answer is "get over it, it's part of the job". Having my ass kicked once or twice a month is NOT what I signed up to do. We have no training in self defense, carry no weapons, and medics have gotten reprimanded for physically defending themselves. We are not APD.

Although I was under investigation for less than pristine customer service skills, I could not afford to sit for weeks with no income while Grady EMS drug out their already-made decision to fire me. I chose voluntary resignation, so that I could collect my banked vacation time and pay my mortgage this month, eat, and have gas for my car and the impending job search.

I know already that someone (yet unknown to me) is attempting to blackball my name in the EMS community, because the job I was supposed to start yesterday was suddenly withdrawn when I arrived for orientation. All I can say is that life goes on. All things happen for a reason. Blah Blah Blah. And all that optimistic shit. We will just have to see how things pan out.

Sumdood may not be as bad a guy as AD thinks. He DID, after all, save my sanity, and get me the hell out of Grady. My hat's off to ya. But next time... I may just have to show you what a pissed off fat white dyke can really do. Next time I might just really flip you off and tell you how much of a racist bigot jackass YOU are!

September 11, 2001

2007-09-11T18:31:00.001-04:00

We awoke early, newlyweds, frantically packing our bags at the beach house. Just three days earlier Candice and I had shared our vows in our commitment ceremony in North Litchfield SC. The air was crisp, and the sun was up already. The tons of things to do was my motivation. We had planned on going home via detour to Savannah. I never bothered to turn on the TV, since there was no cable TV we never really bothered to watch much TV that week anyway. Our bags were packed, the car was loaded, and off we went.

It didn't take too long of driving down the highway to notice things were strangely different. Cars were pulled off on the shoulder and drivers were staring blankly through their windshields. Large groups of people stood together talking in front of businesses along the way. I pulled into a CVS drugstore to buy a cheap road atlas so we could navigate scenic roads to Savannah. Candice and Mike stayed in the car chatting nonsensically like brothers and sisters do. Once inside I could not help but to overhear key words on the lips of other customers talking amongst themselves. Bombs, terrorists, World Trade Center. I remembered learning about the first attempts to bomb the World Trade Center when I was hired at Grady EMS, during orientation training.

I returned to the car and told Candice and Mike that something terrible had happened. It seemed as though someone may have bombed the WTC, and I turned on the radio. Every single station had stopped their music programming and everyone was talking about the obvious terrorist attacks. People were calling in voicing their opinions, and it seemed the whole country was a-buzz. At that moment we had no idea of the magnitude of what was occurring. All day we listened to DJ's and callers describe the tragedies unfolding.

I immediately called into work and asked Hedy what was happening in Atlanta. She told me that things were crazy, and that basically Public Safety agencies nation wide were on high alert, unsure of what to expect next. She knew we were out of state, and begged us to be careful driving home, to drive safely, not to rush back. We immediately redirected our route to Warner Robins to Candice's house, and it took us hours to get back, long emotionally draining hours of hearing caller after caller on the radio express their feelings over the horrendous loss of human life.

It wasn't until we made it to Candice's house and turned on CNN that we saw the footage of the first plane perched dangerously in the side of the tower, scorching and burning, and later the second plane crashing into the tower. We saw the towers collapse over and over as the media replayed the film hundreds of times that evening.

And then the reality hit. Terrorists had not only attacked America, they had purposefully attacked my family. My family of first responders. Smirking in hiding, in a foreign land, that on 9-11 they would kill the caregivers and officers who work for 911 everyday. Hundreds of EMT's, Paramedics, Police Officers, and Firefighters had been trapped in the buildings, doing their jobs, trying to evacuate occupants before the inevitable happened, before the thousands of tons of concrete and steel crumbled. Rescuers who knew the danger they ran head-on into, doing what they were trained to do, what they were paid to do, but most importantly, what they were passionate about doing... because of their love for their fellow man.

Within a couple of days, my honeymoon was over, and I returned to work at Grady. I continued onward in my career as a glorified taxi driver and bandaid applicator. An ambulance driver, occasionally blessed with the opportunity to utilize my skills and be a Paramedic, rendering aid to a small handful of critically ill or injured patients every month. And it ate me alive.

Taking asymptomatic patients to an already bursting ER for a Rx refill, kids with fevers or scraped knees, chronic backaches, headaches, toothaches, and violent drug addicts itching to kick my fat white dyke ass - became a depressing and hostile work environment a long time ago. I lied to myself for years. I lied to myself about my abilities to manage a mouthy renegade EMT partner.

For me, there was rarely any satisfaction in my work. It didn't take long to realize there was no true purpose in being a Grady Medic anymore. It was just a paycheck. But on September 11, 2001 -- those folks realized their purpose, and they charged into the vicious face of danger to save innocent lives.

THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!!!